In terms of pure surreality, Konami's media briefing on Wednesday bested the Cirque du Soleil of Microsoft's Kinect event and the laser tag and don't-call-it-a-vitality-sensor of Ubisoft's press event. When else will you see luchadores in teeny bikinis, a multicultural Abbott and Costello schtick, and Def Jam mogul Russell Simmons -- all in the span of two hours? Read on for the full blow-by-blow of Konami's wacky briefing.
Please stand by: Konami's presser got off to a shaky start when the the A/V geeks couldn't start up the Def Jam Rapstar trailer. Instead we got a verbal description of the game from one of hip hop's most esteemed representatives: a gangly, white British guy. Wait, what?
Get on the mic: Gangly British Guy was saved by an actual esteemed representative of hip hop: Def Jam founder Russell Simmons. Simmons livened up the presentation by delivering a curse-filled, off-the-cusp speech about Def Jam Rapstar that demonstrated his commitment to the game -- even if what he said didn't actually make much sense.
Let's get ready to retumbar! During the segment featuring Lucha Libre AAA 2010: Héroes del Ring, actual luchadores stepped onstage. They started to get frisky with each other during the presentation -- one of them even grabbed the visibly uncomfortable producer by the tie and took him offstage. I have no idea if the game will be any good, but in case any of those luchadores are reading this, I'm going to predict that it's awesome!
Playing this looks like torture: The original Saw movie didn't need any sequels, and neither did the game. The
Saw 2: Flesh and Blood trailer somehow made torture look boring.
Some things should stay in Japan: Otomedius Excellent is apparently the first version of this revered Japanese shoot-em-up series to come stateside. After watching the bizarre trailer showing young topless women with strategically placed feathers and stars -- with no actual shooting to be seen -- I think there's a good reason the other games were never translated.
Abbott and Costello: International Edition: One of
Dance Dance Revolution's creators and a translator/producer did a painfully stilted shtick to introduce the new rhythm game
DanceMasters. They then started to dance -- badly. Awwwkward.
Diamond in the rough: Most of Hudson's lineup drew yawns (the presenter could barely contain his unenthusiasm), but
Lost in Shadow piqued my interest. You manipulate the light source in order to control your character's shadow. It's an intriguing premise for a puzzle platformer, and the art style recalls the cult-classic
Ico.
This is going to get confusing: The new
Silent Hill game is called Silent Hill. The new
Twisted Metal game is called Twisted Metal. What happened to good old-fashioned numbers and ridiculous subtitles?
And... Cut! Metal Gear Sold: Rising is all about cutting things. In the trailer Konami showed, protagonist Raiden slices and dices enemies, pillars, and, um, watermelons in slow motion, with players directing the angle of the cut. The game looks gleefully violent, but I wonder if the cutting mechanic will wear thin fast.
Sometimes two Ds are better than three: Castlevania gets a big-budget 3D facelift in
Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, but I'm much more interested in the classic 2D game,
Harmony of Despair, coming out on Xbox Live Arcade this summer – with six-player co-op!
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