Once upon a time, Sega and I were close friends.  I had a close friendship with their furry blue mascot whose mission was to save neglected woodland creatures. For awhile, Sonic's job duties didn't get in the way of our friendship, but once his new console was released, he forgot all about me--and Sega. That's right, Sonic was too busy making connections with the likes of Big the Cat and pistol-packin' Shadow the Hedgehog to pay attention to me and the poor Sega Saturn. As a result, I had to leave the expensive CD-based system behind and purchase an N64.

The N64 treated me well with its plumbers, elves, and tuxedo sporting spies, but it never healed the hole in my heart caused by Sonic's betrayal. Nintendo and Sega's newest rival, Sony, helped mend my wounds, but deep in the recesses of my mind, I secretly wished that I owned a Sega Saturn. Even without my furry blue friend, the system was appealing because of its unique RPGs and 2D games.

Sadly, Sega remained a forgotten memory for over a decade. I ignored the Saturn and the Dreamcast, which I predicted would fail (a self-fulfilling prophecy really). Even when Sega ceased to be a console manufacturer, I passed over many of their efforts on their rivals' platforms.

Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd played DVDs on my PS2, grilled meat on my PS3, and I built up my biceps by curling my Xbox360 power brick three times a day. Hell, I'd even watched Elijah Woods and gamer referees on TV. But none of these satisfied my craving for long-deceased Sega consoles. In 2009, I finally had to act.

Towards the beginning of the year, I bought A Dreamcast along with seventeen games on Ebay. Many of these titles pleased me, but I wouldn't be happy unless I had Seaman. So I bought another Dreamcast.

I purchased my second Dreamcast from a shady Craigslist merchant in an area full of drugs, theft, and the occasional murder. I didn't want to be there longer than necessary, so I accepted the dirt-brown Dreamcast that looked like it'd been through World War III. Why did I buy a second Dreamcast?  Because it came with Seaman, a mic, and Sonic Adventure, for the usual price of Seaman.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the mic to work. The mysterious seller who passed on a console that he probably used as his toilet seat could no longer be contacted, so I accepted the loss. Besides, I had a second Dreamcast and an extra controller along with a VMU, so what was there to complain about?

The Dreamcast satisfied my urge for all things Sega for awhile (and probably will provide me with plenty of enjoyment for weeks to come), but secretly, I yearned for a Sega Saturn. One of my middle school friends had owned the bulky black console years ago, and I'd wanted one ever since. What really sparked my interest in the system though was reading through old EGMs and watching videos of Panzer Dragoon Saga. Soon, I decided that I had to have one.

I realized that a Saturn would be nearly impossible to find in my video game averse city, so I headed to the next closest place, the Internet, to find a functional, large black box. Searching Ebay for a working Sega Saturn soon became a part of my daily routine.

After a month of searching for a decent deal, I acted on a "working" first generation Saturn that came with two standard Sega controllers, a 3D controller, Nights Into Dreams, X-Men Vs. Street Fighter, and a game that I suspect would end up in Seanbaby's now defunct column. Overall, this wasn't a bad deal for seventy-eight dollars...or so I thought.

Once I had a moment to test my Saturn, I immediately popped in Nights. I was eager to see what all the fuss was about, but my excitement quickly abated once the game loaded as an audio CD. I knew that I'd have to replace the aged Saturn battery, but I thought that my system would at least read discs.

After testing out all of my games multiple times, I was unable to get any of them to work, so I was forced to contact the seller. I never received a response, so a week later, I left negative feedback saying he'd sold me a broken console. About another week later, I received an angry response threatening to report me to Ebay for giving him a low score. He claimed that the system broke during shipping.

I understood that the system breaking during transit was a possibility, but I suspected that this wasn't the case after he claimed he'd left it in the closet for two years and had only tested one game for a moment. Regardless of whether or not he was a con artist, I decided that arguing with him was fruitless, and that I'd need to purchase a new Saturn.

Being short on money, I couldn't afford much, but luckily, a Sega Saturn appeared on Craigslist a day later. The seller claimed that it didn't come with AV cables and a power cord, but I was willing to take my chances. So, I raced to his house to test out the system. I popped in four different games, and sure enough, it worked each time. The system looked beat-up on the outside, but games actually ran, and the Saturn purred like a kitten.

I was excited to test out my first fully functional Saturn, but I didn't get to do so until a week later. Once I had the opportunity to play, the first thing I did was pop in Panzer Dragoon II. The initial cut-scene got my blood pumping, but then--it stopped. My Saturn had ground to a halt. Was the system broken? Did its laser need cleaning? These thoughts rushed through my mind.

Before jumping to conclusions, I did the logical thing and tested out my other games. Fortunately, everything else worked, so someone had clearly sold me a faulty copy of Panzer Dragoon II. I was disappointed, but at least it wasn't a broken copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga. If it were, I probably would have been in a state of mourning for years.

So, since Panzer was broken, I did the next best thing and popped in Nights. For once, I had the game run with no problems. After chuckling about people comparing Nights to Mario 64, I had some fun zipping around the levels with my androgynous hero. It took me awhile to figure out what to do, but once I realized that I was supposed to collect mysterious blue orbs and insert them in some sack creature, things got better.

Sadly, these feelings of joy and wonder would last no longer than a few minutes. An unusual boss encounter had to spoil my fun. See, Sega decided to throw this crazy dragon at me and give me a time limit to um...defeat him somehow. I quickly went to the Game Over screen after attempting to find his weak point, so I had to start from the beginning. Clearly, Nights was an unforgiving game.

I then looked up what to do on a FAQ and returned to slay the giant serpent...by circling around him. Unfortunately, this plan failed once again, and I hit the Game Over screen a second, a third...and a fourth time. Clearly, something was telling me not to play this game.

After these experiences with the Saturn, I've learned something--Sega is getting revenge for all those years I avoided purchasing their systems. They're trying to make me spend as much money on the Saturn as it was actually worth at the time of its release. Maybe they're also trying to destroy my sanity with Nights. Perhaps I'll be dreaming about Bernie Stolar cosplaying as NiGHTS tonight.