RAMBO is the best gun game I've ever played, and I've played their entire history. My first babysitter was Operation WOLF (while dad drank at the bar), my first console game was Duck Hunt. I used to play Wild Gunman drawing the Zapper from my pocket, despite how that made it physically impossible to beat level 5. For the PS1 I owned TWO GunCons - back when there were only that many reasons to own one (Time Crisis and Point Blank, and yes I'm counting the entire Time Crisis series as one game). Of all those and a thousand more, making every House of the Dead literal and Silent Scoping the safety of a nation, RAMBO goddamn RAMBOes them to smithereens then machine-guns every single smithereen into smithereenettes.

You're goddamn RIGHT I want to play that!

If that picture alone doesn't convince you, in which case you are never welcome in my home, here's why it's great:

1. It uses actual clips from the movies as cut scenes. This alone should make it the best game ever, as nothing will make you want to shoot things until they explode more than watching John Rambo kill an entire army.

2. It's intelligent about RAMBO plots, if combining those concepts doesn't explode the universe, realising that they really don't matter. Chapter 4 happens before Chapter 1, with 2 and 3 several years later than both, just so that the game opens with the epic "at the border battle" - no make-you-wait-for-the-good-bits bullshit here.

3. It employs the "little clock above their head until they shoot you" system, but the sheer number of enemies means it actually works. In most games the countdown converts the most desperate NYPD showdown into a fairground game of "shoot the harmless targets" with the occasional gradually threatening duck. Here it forces you to prioritise, and since any unattended enemy can start ticking you still have to kill quickly.

4. You can blow up ANY unarmoured vehicle, and when you shoot an incoming explosive out of the air? It kills anyone near the explosion! This game loves explosions, and if you're careless enough to let a few seconds of the first stage pass without blowing something up your allies will goddamn do it for you, pussy.

5. Yes, you get to take out a chopper with a bow and arrow. Yes, it is fucking awesome.

6. This game understands Rambo - there is absolutely NO reward for burst fire or conserving ammunition. With a clip the size of the Empire State building (and the classic "don't do this with a real gun" finger-over-sensor reload, since "outside of the screen" is strictly scrub territory) you can shoot forever. But it still rewards accurate fire, without which even the most otherwise perfect gun game is pure pointlessness.

7. How does it reward accurate shooting?

Rage.

RAGE!

RAAAAAAAAAGE!

Your reward for effective shooting things and explosions is AN INCREASED ABILITY TO SHOOT AND EXPLODE WITH RAMBO YELLING.  This is without question the best thing every to happen in an arcade game, ever, and I was literally shaking with adrenaline and maniacal laughter as I shredded the population of three Luxembourgs in five seconds. I've been to parties where you need compressed air and sharp objects to partake and not had nearly this rush. I would play this game every day, I'd couple the coin slot to a timer and use it as an alarm clock, and I'd need a solid steel coffee pot and an armour plated shower to survive ME KICKING THEIR ASSES.

With arcades currently on the endangered species list just above "Pandas in minefields", your chances of playing, nay, attaining this joy are slim. But if you happen to see it on the way to your wedding - well, if they love you they'll wait.