It's almost Christmas break at school here, and now me and my friends are exchanging gifts before we go on a long Winter break from education. I peel back the wrapping paper around the rectangular prism shaped item. At first I see the "Rogue Warrior" title and say "Sweet, a non-fiction war story", but then I peel it even further to find the ESRB rating and see the box-art in full view.

Aren't we in for quite the treat. 

Rogue Warrior is a generic and bland FPS developed by Oxford-based Rebellion Games, the same studio that developed the much loved Alien Vs. Predator from the late 90s. They also made titles such as Rogue Trooper. Rogue. Trooper. Warrior. Same thing. Let us begin.

Meet Richard "Demo Dick" Marcinko, a Navy SEAL member that is being deployed in North Korea to find intelligence on ballistic missile launchers. The story is set in the 1980s and is loosely based on the novel of the same name by the same guy. The story is by far the most enjoyable part of Rogue Trooper Warrior.

Put simply, you kill Koreans with your guns. You point, you shoot, it's simple. Then there's the frequent moment when you have to finish off your enemies stealthily, although I wouldn't call it stealthily if they're programmed to be in a narrow hallway with their backs toward you, forcing you to hit the Execute button. You'd think mindless bloody smashing of helpless Koreans would be fun, but it gets dumb after the second time you do it.

Also, the enemy AI is absolutely retarded. They can't hear you if you're moving full speed towards them from behind, and after you messily kill them and hear their loud screams and death-reaction-based gunshots, the surrounding guards just go on with their daily routine of standing with their back turned towards you. Maybe they hated that particular guard you killed and pretended to not notice before shortly being killed themselves?

Would it be more exciting if this execution was done vertically?  Also, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM FROM SEVERAL FEET AWAY.

No matter how a firefight starts, if goes down the same way. Whether the enemies unimpressively break through windows and start out guns blazing, you shoot what's in front of you and that's it. It's mindless generic FPS action with a nonexistent variety of weapons to choose from. 

But wait! The monotonous gameplay may sound bad, but it's okay, because the campaign ends in just two hours! That's right, two hours! You won't be bored of the gameplay for that long. Those two hours will consist of walking down linear paths in corridors, buildings and the occasional outdoor locale that is still extremely linear and predictable.

Along with bad gameplay comes bad sound. The sound quality is okay, with a repeating "ratatatata" sound from your machine gun that is borderline acceptable. The orchestral compositions are probably the second most enjoyable aspects of this stupid game. And then we get to the dialogue. I am really scared if Richard Marcinko speaks like he does in Rogue Warrior in real life. The protagonist spits out a flurry of expletives and swear words that would blow up a church if words could deal physical damage. Kill one enemy. "Die you !@*&$^@ son of a !?<@!|$ you /{~!& monkey." Rinse and repeat. Not only will you be annoyed by the gameplay, but you'll also have Richard Marcinko swear up the place. 

Demo Dick is gonna cut you up like the !@^&% monkey you are.

Overall, Rogue Warrior is a swear-word filled 2 hour movie of shanking and shooting Koreans that is mildly entertaining, and hardly eye-pleasing by today's standards. I haven't tried multiplayer because my internet was down on my computer for the time I was playing it, but I'm sure it's as abysmal as the single-player.

Rawr stabby stab stab. And the moral of that merciless Korean killing was that you should never ever consider paying for Rogue Warrior. 2 Hours of $#@! if you ask me.