Greetings, and welcome to Improbably Located Merchant dot com!

Hiding with my inventory under the staircase in Dracula's Castle of Evil leaves me with a lot of time to ponder economics, and I realised: maybe the pit of instant death spikes - not to mention the thousands of undead between my reasonably-priced wares and even the closest major trade route - might by why I have so few customers.

So I got together with Merchant-hidden-behind-a-breakable-wall and Merchant-selling-weaponry-in-an-otherwise-idyllic-pastoral-village, and we set up one of these website things!

Whether you're a secret agent, mercenary hunter, or a lone hero marked by destiny to save the world (good luck!) we're sure you'll find something you like. We're rather proud of this first item:

We accept Gil, gold, fuel, and most forms of generically standardized future-currency. Those wishing to barter, please note that we don't accept any old scrap you found in a locker: alcohol and Energy Cells only.

A final note to my fellow Improbably Located Merchants: make sure to keep your invulnerability shield fully charged! When you're about to toss a dying lone hero back out to the horde of zombies, he can have a hard time understanding the importance of free-market economics.

Until the next level,

The ILM.