I don't know if you know this, but there were some people who didn't like Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. They were mostly fans, and they didn't like it because of the way it wrapped up the Metal Gear story. It mostly sucked, they said.

I once bounced around between those two groups. Some days I'd come to the conclusion that it was good, other times I'd go for months on end hating it. Now I've reached a happy medium in between where I'm sort of indifferent about the whole thing.

Several days ago, talking about how good Queen's song Bohemian Rhapsody is at a party, it struck me as a good idea to draft a Kojimian Rhapsody on the back of a cocktail napkin in the style of the 'Beyondian Rhapsody' (listeners to IGN's podcast 'Podcast Beyond' should know what I'm referring to; in any case you can search for 'Beyondian Rhapsody' on YouTube). I might not have been thinking straight at the time. But none of that really matters now.

So, this is for the people who have a strong dislike for Metal Gear Solid 4. While you're listening to Queen's classic you can fill in the words yourself. You can listen to Bohemian Rhapsody streaming on Grooveshark here. On some lines below I've inserted notes to explain some stuff that might not make immediate sense. For those of you that want to see a direct lyrical comparison to Queen's original, you can see the lyrics side by side here.

P.S. I'm actually quite proud of how some of the lines came out, particularly "can you calculate the profits?". It's funny because it's true!

Is this the real sequel?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a bad wrap-up…
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Kojima
Look up to the sky and see…
I’m just a fan, and I need no sympathy
Because it’s MGS3, then MGS2
Then MGS1, then Metal Gear 2
Anyway the story goes, the series should have ended with 3…
With 3…

Kojim’*, just killed The Boss
Held my gun up in the air
Sent her straight to her nadir
Kojim’, Snake Eater was the best
Then 4 came out and the ending was so lame
Kojim’… Oooooooh…
Didn’t mean to make you cry
But you’ve gotta stop making them Metal Gears
If you carry on, if you carry on… then nothing really matters.

Too late, Snake’s time has come
Send shivers down the game
I’ll stop playing if it’s all the same
Goodbye, everybody—The End has come
Gotta leave you all behind and go FOXDIE (oh noes :-( )
Kojim’… Oooooooh… (Way the future looks…)
The Metal Gear series won’t die
I sometimes wish 4 never came out at all…

I see a future with twenty more games
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you calculate the profits?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening me
Huey Emmerich, Sokolov
Granin, Otacon
Scientists figuero—Magnifico! (oh, oh, oh, oh!)
I’m just a Snatcher, nobody loves me
It’s just a game from Kojima’s pre-MGS history
Give it the future it rightly deserves!
Easy equation, Metal Gear sells, will it ever go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let it go (let it go!)
Bismillah! We will not let it go (let it go!)
Bismillah! We will not let it go (let it go!)
Will not let it go, let it go (Never, never, never, never, never let it go!)
Will not let it go, let it go, oh, oh, oh, oh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh Kojima, Oh Kojima, Oh Kojima let it go
Just think of what so many other games could be… could be… could be!

So you think you can make games and whore it all out?
‘Used to think that was not what you were all about!
Oh, Kojima… Can’t do this to you ‘jima
You just gotta get out, you just gotta get right outta here

Oooooooo, ooo yeah
Oooo, yeah

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see that
Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me

That’s how the future goes...

* It's impossible to stick to the syllabic meter if using the whole word "Kojima", and it sounds strange. So in parts of the lyrics you'll see "Kojim'" used as well as one instance of just "'jima". Charming, really.