The top five games to play while pooping

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Thursday, March 17, 2011
EDITOR'S NOTEfrom Jay Henningsen

I usually read while I'm on the toilet, but Evan provides some compelling alternatives. Have a seat and start squeezing...those trigger buttons.

Gamer ToiletIf you're like me, then you know how important it is to set the proper mood when you go into the bathroom to "put something down on paper." Personally, I like to light some candles and then text anyone who might come within 20 feet of the door that they would be well advised to stay clear for the next hour.

But what do you do while you're pooping? For a large majority of gamers (I assume based on no data or science known to man), this is the perfect time to get some play time in before you head back out to the living room to continue gaming on the couch.

Again, however, mood is important. It's satisfying to play Tetris and imagine that the screen is a toilet and all the pieces are turds, right? I know I do that all the time. But if you really want to put the special sauce on your poop experience, you need only pick up one of the games I've listed below. I can't guarantee they'll make your time in the bathroom any less shitty, but they will certainly make it a lot more fun.


5. Red Dead Redumption

Red Dead Redumption

Ten years ago, John Marston dropped a deuce that changed his life forever. Now, on the run, frightened, and unable to shit, Marston has decided that he's had enough of backing up. Players take control of the disgraced outlaw as he strains to squeeze out a way of life for himself and his family. Battle corrupt government officials, villainous soldiers, and crazed squatters as Marston shows with each nugget of justice that his loved ones come first...and everyone else is Number Two.

 

4. Ass Effect

Ass Effect

Archeologists on Mars uncover a piece of ancient alien technology that changes the course of human history forever. Dubbed the "ass effect," the device is capable of harnessing powerful cosmic winds to blast ships through space. Players take command of a high-tech futuristic starship and let her rip across the galaxy, shooting the breeze at exotic spaceports or vaporizing alien foes. With so many ways to play Ass Effect, whatever you do will be a gas.


3. BioPlop

BioPlop

Descend into the mysterious failed utopia of Crapture in BioPlop. Face off against deadly, genetically enhanced Wipers and monstrous Big Doodies. Arm yourself with powerful Assmids, like Flatulence and Bomb Dropper, to survive on your grisly journey through the ruined bowels of Crapture, and make difficult moral decisions to determine if you'll float or sink upon your release.


2. Mario Potty

Mario Potty

Why can't going to the bathroom be a social activity? In Mario Potty, you and up to three of your friends and family members face off to see who will earn the right to sit on the throne. Throw down in challenging, fast-paced mini-games like "Miss the seat" and brain-bending puzzles such as "You're out of paper. Now what?" With this game in your bathroom, three might be a crowd, but four is a Potty.


1. LOG-O Star Wars

LOG-O Star Wars

What do you get when you take the much-beloved Star Wars Trilogy and combine it with poop? No, it's not The Phantom Menace. It's LOG-O Star Wars, the game that lovingly recreates the Star Wars series with building blocks made of excrement. Levels are even based on the theatrical versions of the films, so they're presented exactly as they were before George Lucas wrecked 'em. All the characters you love, all the scenes you remember, and all the action you crave is at your command. You won't believe how shitty the graphics are!

-

 
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Comments (27)
Me
February 23, 2011

I can't game while pooping. Not comfortable to me for some reason.

Img_20110311_100250
February 23, 2011

I can only game while pooping now. I have chronic pins and needles. 

This list sucks! Where is Poopemon? My favorite Poopemon is Pile-of-shit.

Twitpic
February 23, 2011

Is it me, or are poop jokes always funny? Hilarious, Evan. Love it.

26583_1404714564368_1427496717_31101969_389938_n
February 23, 2011

@Jeff Don't forget Peekachu.

If you have that much time to play Poopemon, I recommend you eat like a garbage truck full of broccoli.

Profile_pic4
February 23, 2011

What about CoD #2?   Lest we forget CoD: The Big Brown One.

Img_20110311_100250
February 23, 2011

::slow clap:: for Keith

Sexy_beast
February 23, 2011

Call of Dookie: Black Plops

Dook Took'em Forever

Conker's Bad Turd Pain

Browneye 007

Marvel vs. Crapcom 3: The Fate of Poo Worlds

26583_1404714564368_1427496717_31101969_389938_n
February 23, 2011

Black Plops? That might be blood; you should have that looked at.

Someone else suggested Madden 11, in which you can take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

37893_1338936035999_1309080061_30825631_6290042_n
February 26, 2011

Evan Killham, the picture of professionalism and solid reporting.

Also:

Streaks of Rage

Shit/Second

Fallout 3

Ass-Ass-ins Creed: Brotherhood

 

Now I feel the need to shower.

26583_1404714564368_1427496717_31101969_389938_n
February 26, 2011
I have definitely reported on some solids here.
2_fobs_n_a_goon__2_
March 17, 2011

Dude, you are king. Gonna throw that out there. You. Are. King.

Me
March 17, 2011

Not sure how I feel about a serious piece I wrote about Metascores running directly below a piece about poop... *sigh*

Jayhenningsen
March 17, 2011

Dennis - I'll tell you exactly how I feel about it: I thought this poop story was humorous and creative, and I enjoyed it far more than your Metascore story; that's why I promoted it instead of yours. I find it disturbing that even though your article was put on the front page by another editor, you STILL had to complain about something. Keep in mind your opinion is neither the most important one nor the only valid one, and comments like yours only serve to hinder the creative spirit that we're trying to foster here. 

Rm_headshot
March 17, 2011

Dennis...dude...we run in blog format. You know that. Newest goes on top, period, regardless of content. Your work shoves others onto Page 2. Others will shove your work onto Page 2. Do not desire permanence as a writer, unless you think Shakespeare, Moliere, and Christopher Marlowe were the only playwrites operating in the 17th Century.

Sexy_beast
March 17, 2011

Damn, the Bitmob staff's claws have been out lately. I fuckin' love this place. :D

Img_20100902_162803
March 17, 2011
Not sure how Poogle was slighted by Evan.
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March 17, 2011

Fruit Ninja always puts me "in the mood."

Default_picture
March 17, 2011

Perfect timing: I read this article while pooping.

Img_20110311_100250
March 17, 2011

@Tristan I'll give you a high five about that, but wash your hands first. 

Img_20110311_100250
March 17, 2011

Mario Potty is how they say it in Boston.

26583_1404714564368_1427496717_31101969_389938_n
March 17, 2011

@Juan - Sorry, but Poogle came in at #6. The rest of the list was Poogle, then Angry Turds, Shitman: Silent (but Deadly) Assassin, Turds with Friends, and Canafart.

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March 17, 2011

........................................

167586_10100384558299005_12462218_61862628_780210_n
March 17, 2011

Anyway, back to the poop: I'm always impressed/perplexed by people who actually have time to do things in the bathroom other than go to the bathroom. I don't think I could grind a Pokemon up half a level in the time it takes me to accomplish my tasks. I'm like a ninja...in and out before you notice.

Actually, I take part of that back. I do most of my Twitter activity from the HQ.

Default_picture
March 17, 2011

This is all just really shitty. /obvious

Mikeshadesbitmob0611
March 17, 2011

Be careful about doing things you like on the toilet. Eventually, your mind associates that thing with the act, so you start to look forward and eventually enjoy popping a deuce because of the activity you usually do in that place. Nobody should enjoy it that much!

Sexy_beast
March 17, 2011

Matt - I feel the same way. Usually when I'm dropping a maroon meat log, I find the activity in and of itself relaxing enough.I devote all of my focus and energy towards dumping that perfect mineral reject.

My girlfriend stated that she takes her DS into the bathroom when she's got a case of the brown water. I could never understand the appeal (or ability) of pushing out mocha sludge and working a touch-screen interface at the same time. I mean, let's be real, this isn't exactly rubbing your belly and patting your head here. I'm pretty sure Elvis died trying to accomplish a similar feat.

Default_picture
March 18, 2011

Its true, he was writing that ol' famous hit "Ain't Nothin But a Brown Log"
Poop jokes rock.

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