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EBay currently has over 600,000 video game-related items on auction. As a writer in need of something to write about, I’m happy to report that many of the available items are mind-numbingly bad. In this column I’ll scour eBay for the worst-of-the-worst and share my findings with you.
I'll include excerpts from the always never well-written item descriptions, the current asking price, and of course, my thoughts on why I choose to include each item. That last part's usually pretty obvious, but it's fun to pile on and pretend like I've never tried to pawn off any crap on eBay.
Sound good? Let’s get started!
Item:
Description excerpt: Sold as is! These controllers are broken; we are unsure what various issues they may have. Lot includes 5 Sony brand controllers and 14 third party brand controllers.
Current Price: $26.99
Why it’s terrible: This auction really bothers me. The thought of owning 19 broken controllers just pisses me off. When I think about the fact that they're all for the original PlayStation, I can't fathom why anyone on the face of the Earth would want these.
The longer I stare at the picture, the angrier I get. Look at how they wrapped those cords! That's not how you wrap a controller cord! Some of my friends used to wrap the cord around the controller as tight as they could, and it made me want to smack them. I need to stop writing about this because it's getting me all fired up.
More horrible auctions after the jump!
Item:
Description excerpt: 6 Brand NEW factory sealed Resident Evil 2 game for The Tiger Game.com system
Current Price: $18.95
Why it’s terrible: I checked GameRankings.com to see how awful this version was and it's not even listed. That's probably not a good sign. Let's just assume it sucked because it was for the Game.com.
Normally I'd only buy one awful port for an awful system, but these are "wholesale" prices here, folks.. I'd be a fool not to jump at the chance to get my hands on six turds for such a nice price.
Item:
Description excerpt: ***PLEASE NOTE*** THE PICTURE IS ONLY MEANT TO PULL YOU INTO THE OVERWHELMING ADOREABLENESS OF THIS HAT AND IS IN NO WAY THE SAME HAT YOU WILL RECEIVE (THE ONE MY DOG IS WEARING IS MY OWN PERSONAL HAT)
Current Price: $99.95
Why it’s terrible: Let's see, what could possibly make this auction so bad. Is it the ugly hat? The outrageous price? Or is it the dog with robot eyes wearing the ugly, overpriced hat? Yeah, I'm gonna go with that last one.
Do you really think this dude's going to keep the dog-worn hat and send you the new one? I guess he's thinking if you're dumb enough to pay $99.95 for this hat, you're dumb enough to believe he's going to send you the new one. Good luck with that.
And this week's worst item is:
Item:
Description excerpt: Hi people! I am Dark Sol. Welcome to my auctions! I am a famous Russian videogame collector and owner of the biggest Russian Japanese Role-Playing Games Comminity. Buying from me is a guarantee you get exactly what i list. I do not use evasive information, hidden charges and so on. Please be honest with me as i am with you and we'll have a deal! PS: I can sign it for you if you want. Later on it will also proove you got this game from a respected source . I've been collecting games for nearly 12-13 years.. hehe :)
Current Price: $999
Why it’s terrible: $999?! Apparently Dark Sol has been so busy being "a famous russian videogame collector and owner of the biggest russian Japanese Role-Playing Games Comminity" that he has yet to notice that Sega hasn't really been a hot commodity since, oh, the last millennium. He's darn sure too busy and important to worry about little things like making his auction description readable and spelling stuff correctly.
I bet the watch would be worth more if it didn't have "Sega" on its face. Maybe it's his signature that makes this piece so valuable. What's the going rate for an autograph from a nobody these days?
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