Editor's note: I've never read a limerick about video games before. I'm happy that Andrew's written a limerick that I can share without blushing. Any of you up for adding buyers'-guide limericks of your own? Here's how you craft a limerick. -Jason
It has been a while since I wrote like this
Many months between poetic trysts
But now it's back
To have a crack
At helping you with your holiday list.
New Super Mario Brothers for Wii
Remaking a remake, only subtlety
Four players to play
In a cooperative way
Cammie says friendship is 4D?
Modern Warfare 2 will scratch the itch
To call a random 12-year-old your "bitch"
Perks aplenty
E-penis is ready
In XP, at least, you'll be rich.
Guitar Hero is now on No. 5
And Kurt Cobain is now alive
You'll rant and rave
As Flava Flav
Behavior that just doesn't jive.
Brütal Legend features Jack Black
As a roadie all clad in black
Tim Schafer is here
At the end of the year
Let's hope this game's sales aren't slack.
Assassin's Creed 2 bettered the first
Quenching your murderous thirst
The secret is this
Against your wish
You'll end up in a Renaissance church.
Borderlands features cartoons living
A wasteland that's unforgiving
With thousands of arms
To do lots of harm
It's the gift that just keeps on giving.
Dragon Age is a very long quest
Designed for only the best
But it's good for the brain
And will cure all your pain
It was made by doctors, no less.
The zombies are back for your blood
Can you hold back the flood?
The panic is true
In Left 4 Dead 2
With your teammates' health on your HUD.
The Saboteur is the game for dudes
But the downloadable content is crude
If you need help with your crotch
That isn't top-notch
You'll see digital babes in the nude.
Wii Fit Plus is the new format
To use your Balance doormat
What better way
To honestly say
"By golly, I think you're fat."
Muramasa may seem very odd
With Japanese history hurrahed
2D's return to glory
With an in-depth story
The latest game from the Mangod.
Comments (40)
The internet gets me over the hump
But to save time
When writing a line
I do it while taking a dump
It was merely a stated fact
Writing words
While making turds
Is better than scratching my sack
We simply must have a chat
When making a rhyme
You need to take time
To always include lots of scat
And for him its quite the relief
I'd make him sick
With insult limerick
And I'd pop out his literate teeth
Because I ain't afraid of no caveman, Jeff Grubb
You'll dance and you'll prance
When you get to France
At Lascaux Cave, you'll join the club
(Oh shit, now I'm breaking out the archaeology. I'm officially out of control.)
It's got a rhythm that I can't deny
Andrew and Alex
giving off a mighty flex
of poetry, when they try....
Alex, I just found out there is a Ostrick Farm less than an hour from me!!!!
Before I verbally slaughter you like cow
This fight will just show
How low I can go
For example: Your mom? Quite a plow
The poem Alex wrote was very sad
See, it's like this
Truth, not a diss
The only parent he's slept with is his dad
You guys have pretty good timing.
Neither of you can win, we believe,
For we have an ace up our sleeve:
Our edits can make you stop rhyming.
It will end, with any luck
But just not yet
I cannot let
The final word belong to a Danish fuck
And many have tried to mock
When it's all said and done
You're the thoughtful one
Andrew J. Hiscock
Or even a lowly Henningsen.
He wears flannel coats,
And goes diving for boats;
He probably even eats venison.
A monster was coming his way
What looked like a kraken
Turned out your momma was snackin
A real creature was caught, I'd say
Hiscock is the best name for you
As unlike the nose of a jew
It's more like a toe
And lets the girls know
Just exactly why they should bid you adieu
This story has been a great test
As comments kept climbing
More people were rhyming
Bitmob is ahead of the rest
Frankly, you're behaving like a mom
We insult and put down
And make people frown
Don't try to get us to take you to prom
My intentions are devout
But before you protest
As a prom date, I'm best
I'm guaranteed to put out
There's a lot you don't know
How mean do you want?
I can be quite a cunt
This won't be my first rodeo
