The Metal Gear and Metal Gear Solid series of games feature some seriously messed up characters with some seriously disturbing problems. Snake kills his dad like 3 fucking times, Vamp is bisexual and into licking dudes, Raiden’s dad got his balls cupped on a regular basis by Volgin, and Otacon banged his step-mom, leading towards his father killing himself in a kiddie pool in a fit of confusion. How could someone not dig into this with the application of 2 months worth of Freudian knowledge? I will go into a few of the series’ main characters: Solid Snake, Liquid Snake, Solidus, and Meryl. First up in Melfi’s chair is the series’ main protagonist, Solid Snake.

Snake was cloned after Big Boss, the biggest badass to ever wear an eye patch since Kurt Russle escaped from New York. But underneath all his bad-assery and infinite ammo bandana, Snake had a fucked up background. He was sent to kill the shit out of his own father on 2 occasions without knowing Big Boss was even his dad. Since his father figure was more of a mentor, he skipped the Oedipal stage (the stage that every normal developed being goes through where they unconsciously want to kill their daddy and get busy with their mom) and headed full on into neurosis (in Snake’s case: perfectionism, as he killed and snapped necks with extreme prejudice and efficiency). Snake also displayed socially and culturally inappropriate behavior, such as killing the shit out of anything with a Russian accent and leaving his cigarette butts in the eyes of vanquished genome soldiers. Being sent to kill your own dad on two separate occasions can fuck a person up in the head, even if they try killing you back. It’s just not right.

Onto Liquid Snake, the “twin snake”, Liquid was led to believe he was inferior clone given the weaker genes. Even though this was a lie and proven to be the exact opposite, it drove the bastard batshit crazy. Other than this bit of craziness, he and Solid Snake shared an assload in common. Both possessed a rapid aging process and the inability to procreate due to being test-tube knuckle babies of Big Boss. This castration is a classic symptom of people losing it in Freudian thought. Ergo, the twin snakes choose a life of destroying and taking lives since they cannot pass on their genes and create life.

Solidus is just like those two guys only he’s a bitch and needs octopus tentacles since he can’t fight for shit.

The list goes on. Plus I’m too lazy to continue pretending that I understand psychology. Anyways, Meryl is a hottie, the least developed (boob and body-wise) of the female characters, and more innocent, despite her whole killing people thing. Her gingerness can symbolize innocence, virginity, and blah blah blah. You get it. Snake loses her, gets old, and lives with Sonny and Otacon’s literal motherfucking ass.

There it is, an unprofessional, brief, and lazy look at the Metal Gear universe (or 4 characters in it) through the vague eyes of Sigmund Freud and a lazy college student. I hope this was as eye opening as my first sexual encounter was… err… or will be.