Editor's note: The final edition of the Battlefield Heroes edition of the Bitmob Game Club is a bit schizo. While two of the members recount their thoughts on the game, we also get a tale of what amounts to griefing and a death notice from the Royal Army Airforce. -Jason
In this, the second and final entry of Game Club's Battlefield Heroes coverage, two of the four Bitmobbers selected to write about the game, somewhat disappointingly, write about it. So if you didn't know what the game was before, Jasmine Maleficent Rea and Brian Petro-Roy are here to save the day.
Still, fans of joke-filled tangents should stick around. James DeRosa and Chris Davidson have you covered. Chris continues his role-playing escapades, while James has veered from his somewhat serious discussion of the pay-what-you-want structure of the game to share with us a humorous view of the trivialization of death in games -- a topic explored in a much more serious manner recently by Travis McReynolds.
It's wildly varying styles and tones like this that make the Bitmob Game Club, and Bitmob as a whole, so great. There's something for everyone here, so pop a squat and get to reading.
Contributor: Jasmine Maleficent Rea
Jasmine once purchased a game to spite an annoying child. This particular prepubescent beastie would never let you forget that his parents were wealthier, and supposedly more intelligent, than the clerks desperately studying for their exams between dealing with customers. When the child failed to preorder Apollo Justice, she quickly purchased the game when it arrived in the next shipment. This resulted in the portly brat rolling about on the floor, squealing about how unfair his life was.
The second week of Battlefield Heroes proved to be the worst for me. Halfway through, the Internet connection in my apartment went crazy. It turns out that if your apartment was built in 1973 -- and still looks it -- chances are good that the wiring's faulty. In our case, the wiring was dispensing signal through an unshielded ground…or that's what the cable dude said. I don’t pretend to know anything at all about this brand of jargon.
As you have no doubt assessed, I didn't have much Battlefield time this week. I did have time to re-examine the finer points of the game. James talked about the store last week, mentioning how you don’t have to buy anything to play the game. I largely agree with this, though I'm a bit miffed that I need to pay in order to carry a sniper rifle that's worth a damn.
Rather than harp on old topics, I want to shift to the mission system and how it's a subtle yet important innovation in the achievement craze.
Initially, the mission system acts as a guide through lower character levels. You should attempt to get a set number of kills (in a certain way or in a round) or a particular amount of points -- continue ad nauseam. That’s helpful in case you're pants-eatingly stupid when it comes to typical game mechanics. I wasn’t pleased with it at first and proceeded to ignore the missions -- until I had no clue how to obtain new ones.
Never forget to fully explore dashboard functions, boys and girls, or you’ll feel like an ass when you finally realize things that escaped you. For me, I was shocked to find that what I had discarded as a beefed-up tutorial actually adds depth to matches that I felt was missing. You can just charge into BFH and shoot people -- it is a shooter -- and you’ll level up and earn Hero Points (use 'em to rent weapons and gear) without putting any thought into the gameplay, if that's your gig. If you're obsessed with achievements but find their payoff insubstantial, the mission system will likely appeal to you.
You work within a set of parameters to earn an achievement, and are thusly rewarded for the effort. This reward is tangible and beneficial to the game, and completing missions can rake in those ever-precious Hero Points much faster than the charging-in approach does, but you could simply buy your way through the game. That’s a coward’s path though.
Having done my share of charging, I find the mission method is much more enjoyable for the players who aren't overly competitive. Sometimes an online experience with Battlefield Heroes can be leisurely -- especially when the goal is personal rather than besting the latest kill streak.
If you're an achievement whore looking for an easy fix, though one that won't increase your e-penis in any way, then by all means devote yourself to Battlefield Heroes. I’m not anxious about firing up another match now that I’ve entered into the higher level dickery with the incendiary round users, but the game is solid fun. It will likely remain installed until such time as the game becomes obsolete or Cameron remembers that I never uninstalled it.
Contributor: Chris Davidson
After hours in the lab, Chris made a huge breakthrough: Royals hate roleplayers, but the Nationals are totally cool with it. He's playing Red Faction: Guerrilla and Left 4 Dead 2.
Well, I decided having played a week of the Nationals, I should make the switch to Royals. It was a terrible, terrible idea. The Royals didn't like me at all, and I didn't have much fun. So I did what I do to solve all my problems -- drank heavily.
I tried to roleplay again, but I was angry and hammered, so I think it's just called griefing at that point. Is it fair to indiscriminately take my anger out on every Royal I could find? The answer is, of course, yes.
Pfc_Casual: Selling gold cheap. Only $10 for 100 gold, PST.
Asshole Royal 1: You've gotta be kidding me....
Asshole Royal B: Is this for real?
Pfc_Casual: Selling gold cheap. Only $10 for 100 gold, PST.
Asshole Royal 1: Is the server admin on?
I didn't grief for too long, though. I was too attached to my role-playing roots, so I tried being myself for once.
Pfc_Casual: Hey, wolf. I need some help with something.
National wolf: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT!
Pfc_Casual: I need some relationship advice.
National wolf: I SAY GO FOR IT, MAN. IS SHE HAWT? I BET SHE'S HAWT!
Pfc_Casual: That's the thing -- she's got a fantastic personality, but she's just not that attractive.
National wolf: IS SHE FAT?
Pfc_Casual: Well, she's a little on the heavy side. She weights about 350 lbs, but I don't want to let that weigh into my decision. That wouldn't be very fair.
National wolf: JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART, GUY
Asshole Royal 7: Casual, shoot something!
Pfc_Casual: Well, I can't. You see, I'm a pacifist.
I couldn't help it. Roleplaying was just too much fun! I was starting to get bored of the game, though, until I discovered missions. Sweet Jesus -- these scratched my achievement-junkie itch. If I could directly inject achievements and collectibles into my bloodstream through an AIDS contaminated needle, I would.
The missions totally changed the game for me, and I'm having an absolute blast trying to collect them all. Even though they're only along the lines of capture this many flags or kill this many people in this way, I loved them. They add so much more direction over the simple leveling-and-buying-shit scheme.
More important, they cemented the fact that this is a good game. Make no mistake -- you should be playing this game. It's fun, and it's free. There's plenty of shit to do to keep you occupied, and switching between the different classes adds even more variety. If you do decide to play, don't play with the Royals -- those guys are dicks.
Contributor: Brian Petro-Roy
Brian has had the songs from the musical Chicago stuck in his head for nearly a week. He's going to give you the ol’ razzle dazzle and the be-good-to-Mama, start-calling-himself-Mr. Cellophane jazz.
He's still working on Demon’s Souls and thanking his lucky stars for the Thief’s Ring and Lava Bow.
First things first -- immediately after passing in last week’s article, I finally turned the game’s music volume off and started playing Battlefield Heroes with my “original game soundtracks playlist” providing the tunes. It’s definitely a different experience when you’re suddenly trying to shoot guys with music from games like Tetris and the Phoenix Wright series in the background.
And reading through last week’s edition of the Game Club, I realized that we were all so busy talking about the incessant whistling, Firedick, and the Flying V that nobody really bothered to describe the gameplay. So allow me.
Each team is granted 50 “tickets,” and each time somebody scores a kill, a number of tickets are removed from the dying player’s team score. However -- and here’s the twist -- the number of tickets lost is determined by the number of flags controlled by the killing player’s team!
As a result, the gameplay is like a straight deathmatch, but crossed with the Nexus game from the Gears of War series (or the Capture game from Mass Effect: Pinnacle Station, if that wasn’t a complete piece of shit). Your focus is pretty evenly split between getting kills and capturing flags, which keeps the action frenetic and ensures that camping is minimized -- if your team just grabs a section of the map and attempts to hold it without ensuring that they have any flags, the kills flat-out don’t count!
When you first create your hero, you choose one of three classes -- either the Gunner, Commando, or Soldier. The Gunners are the tanks -- big, beefy dudes who slowly tote around huge-ass machine guns and antitank weapons, dishing out the damage as well as they take it. The Commandos are the sneaky bastards, relying on speed, stealth and distance to get their kills with knives and sniper rifles, and the Soldiers are the creamy middles of BFH, with average speed and weaponry but also the ability to throw grenades and heal their comrades.
As has been well-documented elsewhere, I’m not particularly good at multiplayer games, nor have I ever spent any appreciable amount of time playing a PC-based WASD-and-mouse shooter. So when I first tried both the Soldier and Commando, I found myself getting trounced. But when I switched to Gunner, I found my happy place.
I got to play with Chris only once, but he's quite the amusing fellow.
With the Gunner class -- you know, the class that has the highest health and does the most damage in the fastest time -- I found that I could finally live long enough to get halfway decent at moving and aiming.
Unfortunately, I never got that good, as I still had issues going from the WASD keys up to the numbers to switch weapons or use my special abilities, putting me at a disadvantage against savvy vets. My fellow Gunner had the strategy to start off a fight by using the Leg It! ability to increase his running speed, making him harder to hit, then activated his Hero Shield once that wore off to finish the fight.
As you can see in the screenshot, that was pretty much all I had to work with -- I only made it to the high end of level 8 at the time of writing, and BFH is pretty stingy with giving out the Ability Points at level up, so I wasn’t able to explore any of the other Gunner abilities (like I Eats Grenades or the Exploding Keg).
Still, when I wasn’t up against superleveled guys who had maxed out every ability and knew every trick in the book, I was able to hold my own. I just checked the stats for my gunner hero, WraithThirteen (any Wraith Squadron fans in the house?), and he finished this two-week experiment with 242 kills to 212 deaths and an overall record of 37-9. I’ll take that.
Lastly, I believe I would be remiss if I didn’t mention some of the more amusing moments from my time with BFH, such as:
- The guy who wanted to send a message with his hero’s name that didn’t quite work out. Sorry man, but “iwillfurmom” looks more like “I will fur Mom” to me.
- The time I was on a server against an incompetent group of Royals -- I finished one round 22-5, for crying out loud -- and had to leave the game because my teammates were too busy squabbling about the Bible (seriously, the Bible) to bother actually playing the damned game.
- And, of course, my games with my fellow Game Clubbers. I was particularly impressed with Jasmine’s relish in taking down her enemies from afar, James’ devotion to being a good teammate (he followed me around like a lost puppy dog as we executed the tank/healer strategy to perfection), and Chris...well, let’s just say that Chris is a character and always made sure I had something funny to occupy myself during the lulls in the action.
In the final analysis, I did not spend any money on Battlefield Heroes (nor did I ever want to -- from what I was able to determine, there were no actual gameplay benefits from pumping real money into it), and I doubt I’m ever going to play it again without an invitation from a fellow Bitmobber.
I must say, though, that it was fun while it lasted.
Contributor: James DeRosa
School has got James down -- way down. He’s tired. So, so, tired. He's currently playing Torchlight.
Royal Army Headquarters
1,546,321st Royal ALS Division
c/o Royal Postmaster General
OFFICE OF THE CHAPLAIN
November 20, 2009
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Blanca,
As you are reading this, you have no doubt been notified with regard to the death of your son, Commando First-Class Fantasma Blanca of the Royal Army 90,765th Airborne Division, who passed in the field of duty Tuesday, November 17th, 2009, at 3:13 AM EST. I'm sure this comes as little shock to you as you have, according to Royal Army records, already received 267 of these notifications, which were brought to you by 2nd Lieutenant-Gunner ||N0 HAx0rs||. As it were, I'm writing you so that you might be a little more aware of the circumstances that led up to CFC Blanca's passing.
Your son was found next to the flaming wreckage of a Royal Hotfire fighter plane which was downed in enemy territory. Despite the best resuscitative efforts of unit member and friend, Private-Soldier Nub Sauce69, CFC Blanca was pronounced dead on the scene. It is my hope that you may find some solace in the fact that your son did not suffer. It seems that in our well-publicized near-rout in the Battle of Riverside, your son took up the call to arms of his country and flew a Hotfire into enemy airspace, despite a lack of any formal training. He flew the plane directly into the ground, and all evidence suggests that he died on impact.
As you well know, the Royal Army eventually did prevail in the Battle of Riverside, very likely due in large part to the efforts of your son. CFC Blanca picked up the mantle of his forebearers with valiance and honor and, in a situation of desperation, lacking an intact command structure, flew a plane against our enemies in brazen defiance. By the accounts of unit members, and the record of his dog-tabs, we can attribute the owning of a least seven to nine noobs, in their noob faces, to your son. Conflicting reports of assisted kills prevent us from giving a clearer record of his achievements at this time.
Upon retrieval of his body from enemy territory, and under review of CFC Blanca's personal records, it came to my attention that your son was a member of Netflix, and I personally administered his last rites and credits to his account. If you check his account, you will find his last will and testament have been fulfilled; three free guest passes have been made available to his next of kin.
Also, because of the brilliance and fortitude of your son's service, he has been awarded the Medal of Valor Point. This medal may be redeemed at any time if you wish to reclaim his personal effects, many of which were pretty snazzy.
Please know that your grief is shared by his unit and the Royal Army, and that the grief he, and many others like him, visited upon the enemy will insure victory against the National Army in the coming days.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Captain xPeter GriffinFTWx, Chaplain to the Royal Army
Well, that does it for our coverage of Battlefield Heroes. Two weeks seemed like enough. But stay tuned for the next game in this edition of Game Club: Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine, which you can download for free here.
Comments (8)
@Chris - Your role-playing is incredible. I'm going to have to try it out sometime. Oh, and I liked how no one even flinched about your 350lb love interest.
@Brian - Great job explaining how the game actually plays/works!
@James - Brilliant! Very funny.
