Editor's Note: Andrew should start a new new website where he does game-industry coverage exclusively in limericks. Wait, forget we said that. Keep it on Bitmob! Don't miss his equally hilarious Microsoft recap and Nintendo recap. By the way, if you don't recognize the names/references below, they're probably 1UP.com editors. -Shoe

Once a trail blazer, now following a trail
Sony's new console forms the market's tail
A leaked trailer here
A handheld rumor there
And now no news left to tell

Uncharted 2 features Nathan with gun
Locked into a Gears of War fun
How is the shirt?
Does he act really hurt?
Who cares? There's no roadie run

Zipper flips off Sony abusers
And made the doubters look like losers
So many on MAG
With no framerate lag
But does PSN have that many users?

Kratos returns in God of War 3
Matt Leone can't hold his pee
Red paint and knives
And demi-god strife
New? No, still has QTEs

Square Enix then startled the room
FF Eleven's death now looms
With FF-Fourteen
Mielke ruptured his spleen
Now his future child is doomed

Final Fantasy was still not even done
Number Seven joined in on the fun
No remake is here
Slash fiction fans shed a tear
No cell processing for Tifa's tight bum

Kojima delivered a special treat
For fanboys that fawn at his feat
MGS stays with Sony
Kojima's not phony
Although he still suckles at Microsoft's teat

The Last Guardian's trailer was a bust
Already inspired an art gamer's lust
Looks like Ico
With Colossus's Shadow
Their blue balls now ready to bust

Motion control was the theme of the week
And Sony showed plenty of cheek
They thought they did the trick
With their new waggle stick
But pundits say "That's not so l33t"

Did Kaz Hirai's new PSP come to save?
A road to DLC will it pave?
No more discs
A calculated risk
If dead, Shane will spin in his grave

Nursery Rhymes

Sony had a little plan
Little plan, little plan
Sony had a little plan
To offer motion control
And everywhere the market went
Market went, market went
And everywhere the market went
Sony was sure to go

Sony made Home, which was a "game"
So huge it incited laughter
Sony fell down and broke its crown
And Home came tumbling after

Hideo Kojima stabbed PS in the back
All Kojima's fans called him a hack
All the Metal Gears and PSPs
Can't negate Microsoft's exclusive fees

Trico, Trico, little star
How I wonder what you are!
A short trailer is all we know
Looks suspiciously like Ico

Sony, Sony, quite contrary,
How does your install base grow?
With Gran Turismo, and Resident Evil,
Yet another PSP, this one called Go

Author's Note:

I apologize. This must be stale,
But for the sake of symmetry,
I gritted my teeth and set to work
And now I've completed all three