You read that title right. Ridge Racer 3D isn’t hurting my eyes, but it’s killing my hands. Portable games tread a thin line between sleek functionality and complete discomfort. The 3DS, with its eye-strain-inducing screen and reduced system size (as compared to the DSi XL), combines more uncomfortable elements than the Game Boy Micro and the instantaneous hand cramps it caused. 

I'm one of the lucky few who aren't affected by prolonged exposure to the 3D screen. My eyes don't ache, and I don't feel queasy. The only frustrating thing about it is that games with intense action often make me move the DS just out of its sweet spot. While you can easily overcome this in Lego Star Wars 3, races in Ridge Racer can be won or lost on the back of an accidental tilt.

But the real issue I have with Ridge Racer is the strain it puts on my right hand. When I was 11, I fancied myself a BMX bandit. I managed to paralyze both of my hands in a handlebar-gripping position for two weeks. Ever since, my hands will seize up when I hold them in awkward positions (or write or type for any extended period of time).

Like any proper racing game, Ridge Racer relies on drifting to keep you going through dangerous hairpin turns. Unlike others in its genre, it offers you the choice to use a drift button rather than trying to pull off the right angle into a turn. Real Ridge Racer players use automated drift. Don't let manly bravado convince you otherwise.

Unfortunately for Ridge Racer 3D, the 3DS is just too compact. Sliding between acceleration and drift buttons is as easy as rocking your thumb, and on any other device it might be possible. For the 3DS, I find myself gripping the case in such an awkward position that my hand is screaming out in pain halfway through a single race. At the end of every event, I have to shake out my arm, which causes a symphony of unhealthy pops and cracks.

Racing games really aren't compatible with handhelds -- especially racers that map their acceleration to face buttons. The tendency to intently cram on the gas works well when your hand can conform to a more ergonomic shape. Even the DSi XL offers enough space for my hand to fold around. The 3DS is similar to gripping a knife, and Ridge Racer is making that knife press deeper with each passing drift. Add to this the constant struggle to keep the 3D screen centered, and Ridge Racer 3D becomes the most uncomfortable and unwieldy game, ever.

Alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it doesn't exactly fill me with confidence for future action-heavy 3DS titles. If you've ever paralyzed your hands, maybe you should give Ridge Racer 3D a pass, lest you want to relive that accident a million times over.  The 3DS is going to inspire more ambitious efforts, but I really hope that more consideration is paid to how they feel to play beyond whether or not the 3D works.