4 kid-sized killers in video games

Lolface
Friday, April 29, 2011
EDITOR'S NOTEfrom Layton Shumway

If we lived in a world governed by video-game logic, children wouldn't just be the future. They'd be the only people still alive, because everyone else would be dead. Matthew explains.

Grandia

The choice to include children in video games is a difficult one. Most avoid them altogether, while others only include them in limited capacities. But some titles make children playable characters, sending them on globe-spanning adventures, pitting them against militaries and monsters, and ultimately turning them into murders and terrorists.

Back in 1999, Grandia dropped a bombshell by revealing that 8-year-olds can’t go on world-spanning adventures (contrary to popular depiction). According to the classic PlayStation RPG, if you want to run away from home, travel the world, take down the military, and single-handedly save the world, you have to be at least 14.

And that's just scratching the surface. Read on for more examples of teenaged terrorists and murdering mama's boys. 

 

Skip ahead to 2001, where Zone of the Enders lowered the bar by introducing a 12-year-old who didn’t want to fight in a war and kill people. Because he exists in a video game, he did anyway; he just whined about it the whole time. Unfortunately, no one wanted to play a title where children act like children.

Don't mind them...they're just hijacking a train.

In 2008, Lost Odyssey introduced Kaim, an amnesiac immortal who stumbled upon his grandchildren, Cooke and Mack, while his mortal daughter was dying. After a short funeral, Kaim decided to take his grandchildren with him on his quest to overthrow the government and save the world, because in the line of fire is exactly where children should be. It’s OK, though -- Cooke and Mack proved themselves to be competent killers and train hijackers. In fact, Kaim and his fellow immortals had to learn a thing or two about killing from these baby-faced assassins.

2010 brought us Final Fantasy 13 and 14-year-old androgynous-child-turned-terrorist, Hope. When self-styled hero Snow handed Hope's untrained mother a machine gun to fight a large force of professional soldiers, she quickly died. (She apparently wasn’t tough enough to take an explosion 30 feet behind her.) Hope then spent half of the game with only one thing on his mind: murder. With giant boomerang in hand and his newfound ability to light people on fire, Hope followed standoffish warrior Lightning, hoping to run into Snow and violently end his life.

Behind that innocent, androgynous face is the mind of a murderer.

On his way to committing first-degree murder, however, a funny thing happened. Hope and Lightning stumbled upon a military base, and according to the rules of video-game logic, they had to attack it. Thus, Hope took his first steps to becoming a full-fledged terrorist -- by killing soldiers who were just trying to tell him that military bases aren’t for kids. And he killed a lot of them, because when you hit a guy with a giant boomerang and light him on fire, he’s dead.

Unfortunately, Hope’s attempted murder failed, so he turned to terrorism instead. When his home nation of Cocoon hosted an F-Zero-like national race to boost morale, Hope and company attacked it by summoning giant robots. Essentially, Hope and friends blew up the equivalent of a NASCAR race because they had some beef with the government. Sure, the ruling body may have been slightly evil, but those screams coming from the crowd? That’s terror. Because they’re being attacked. By terrorists.

These examples show that children and video games make a deadly combination. No military might in all of gamedom is capable of stopping a child hell-bent on overthrowing those in power. So next time you play a game, watch out. It’s always the innocent-looking child who wants to burn you alive.

 
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Comments (13)
Dscn0568_-_copy
April 21, 2011

Funny piece. Attacking the race in Final Fantasy 13 was justified though: It led to a cool cutscene.

Default_picture
April 29, 2011

All video game terrorism is justified as long as it looks insanely awesome.

Lolface
April 30, 2011

Because looking awesome is half the battle

Sexy_beast
April 29, 2011

Is it bad that I've played none of these?

230340423
April 29, 2011

You clearly need more J-RPGs in your life.

Lolface
April 29, 2011

Not even the free game with the MGS2 demo, Zone of the Enders?

Sexy_beast
April 29, 2011

Nope, never played any of them. I've tried my hand at a few JRPGs, but there's something the Japanese style of storytelling that is...odd. And unintentionally funny.

Default_picture
April 29, 2011

Everyone needs JRPGs for their daily dose of juvenile murderers and terrorists. :D

Default_picture
April 29, 2011

I guess I'm a JRPG hater, but I think Lightning is a really dumb name for a character...nearly as bad as "Cloud" *ducks*

Lolface
April 29, 2011

Yeah, it's a dumb name, but not as dumb as the over dramatic, extra-angsty explanation Lightning gives when she tells her murder protege Hope about her name.

Default_picture
April 29, 2011

"Lightning. It can't protect. It only destroys."

Lol. I think I play these JRPGs just for the cheesy melodrama. And weird one-liners.

April 30, 2011

On the bright side, when you're playing a murdering child you're not killing kids in game. I think I remember my brother telling me about the ability to kill kids being removed from the first Fable because the beta testers rounded up all the kids, had them follow their character into the forest and massacred them all. So maybe playing a chainsaw-weilding child is the lesser of two evils?

Photo-3
May 02, 2011

"Hope took his first steps to becoming a full-fledged terrorist -- by killing soldiers who were just trying to tell him that military bases aren’t for kids. And he killed a lot of them, because when you hit a guy with a giant boomerang and light him on fire, he’s dead."

I love it.

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