Sonic 4: Episode 1 is the best console Sonic game since the Dreamcast.

It’s a true statement, but instead of being an accomplishment, it only serves to remind us how awful console Sonic games have been these past couple console cycles.

Because Sonic 4: Episode 1 is not a great game. It’s not even much of a good game. Sonic 4 is a bad tribute band trying to reignite your nostalgia with out of tune instruments playing a constant stream of sour notes.

All of its zones are modified versions of previous Sonic zones – “modified” is a generous word. “Ripped off” is a more accurate phrase. Each of Eggman’s boss contraptions are also plucked from earlier entries, but are spiced up with a slightly new gimmick – and of course, by “spiced up,” I mean “watered down.” Hell, Sega didn’t even bother making a new type of special zone.

Sonic 2 or Sonic 4 concept art? To Sega, the terms are synonymous.

But ripping off the classics is the least of Sonic 4’s transgressions. To me, Sega really only made three missteps, all of them major issues.

First – and easily the worst – is the music. No matter if it was on the Game Gear or the Genesis/Mega Drive, a platformer or a puzzler, all 2D Sonic games had spectacular soundtracks. I even wrote an entire article on the music of Sonic 2. Sonic 4 doesn’t appear to have even one memorable song, instead opting for some generic garbage peppered with the sound effects you know and love.

Next, the homing attack retro-fitted from the more recent 3D Sonic games is…well, it’s not good. Most times it makes the game too easy, but then there are times where it just makes the game frustrating – if you’ve experienced the cannons in the Casino Street Zone, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

But what really cripples the game is how slow it feels.

Slow. In a Sonic game.

Sonic takes way too long to accelerate, making the slower paced jumping puzzles an absolute nightmare. The homing attack – a major mechanic – can only be used in the air, where Sonic is at his slowest, and it seems like everything in the environment is there to slow you down, not speed you up like a good Sonic game would do.

Why is Sonic standing still? This should not be happening.

While people will bitch and moan about silly things like the color of Sonic’s eyes or the proper name of the main villain – he’ll always be Robotnik to me, but really, is it that big of a deal – there are critical problems among the cosmetic ones.

There are flashes of brilliance in Sonic 4: Episode 1, it’s just a shame those flashes are from 1992.