Serious video-game disorders

Stoylogosmall
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
EDITOR'S NOTEfrom Jason Lomberg

Dr. Stojan diagnoses various video game-related illnesses. I suffer from at least three of these.

I suffer from "Manic Video Game Enthusiast Syndrome," or MaViGES (pronounced Mah-Veh-Jes). Meaning...I play a LOT of games across many platforms and genres. Some of you may share this disorder along with a few associated maladies. 

Many of these illnesses share similar symptoms with insanity, depression, anxiety, turrets syndrome, and feelings of loss. 

I hope that one day the medical community will recognize some of these diseases and conduct research to find appropriate treatments.  

Here are a few video-game disorders.

Obsessive Compulsive Reloading Disorder (OCRD): Players that suffer from this disorder excessively reload their weapons in various genres (first-person shooters, third-person shooters, adventure games, etc.). Players take one to three shots and promptly reload, even though the weapon's capacity is still at an optimal level. Severe cases can lead players to reload an M249 SAW (which has a 200 round box capacity) after five shots. Signs are simple to spot, especially in multiplayer shooters; you ALWAYS see players running and reloading their weapons. 

 

Sudden Onset Amnesia Syndrome (SOAS): Before taking on real-world responsibilities, some gamers sit down for a quick round or two, and completely forget the task that was to follow. Reported cases include: arriving late for dates, missing job interviews, failing to do house chores, and ignoring sleep altogether. Patients suffering from SOAS completely forget what they were supposed to be doing. In severe cases, the afflicted enlist significant others to remind them of pending duties away from the TV. 

Headset Tourette's Syndrome (HTD): If you walked into a Starbucks and met these people, you'd be amazed at how polite and pleasant they are. But once a headset is strapped on, their pleasant demeanor changes to that of an angry, tumultuous, raging, resentful lunatic. This disorder manifests itself mainly during multiplayer shooter matches. Victims exhibit signs of extreme impatience (especially with those that are not at a similar skill level). They like to vulgarly reference other people's mothers (and sisters), use rude terms describing strangers as homosexual, and make threats of physical violence. Generally, these people do not discriminate -- they have been known to go after children -- and are among the most disturbing and excessive MaViGES. Doctors around the world are baffled at the power that headsets bestow on these people. 

Mazeophobia: Gamers that possess this disorder suffer from extreme fear of getting lost. This affliction is more common in patrons of open world games like Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption. Players will constantly check their maps to ensure that they are going the right way, and in games like GTA, they will set their routes via a mini-map (even to take them places they've been to multiple times). If they do not find their route, extreme irritability and a sense of panic overwhelms them. 

Massive Video Game Hoarding (MVGH): These players are the extreme of the extreme; they collect and keep EVERYTHING -- much like hoarding, except in a very specific sense. Whereas many gamers will trade in their old titles, or sell them via eBay or Craigslist, these people keep them, and buy more and more (even old games they no longer have the urge to play). MVGH patients fear that if they were to give away their games, they would feel the need to play them again. 

Call of Duty Syndrome (CODS): This relates to neophobia, which is the fear of trying something new and being a slave to what is familiar. These gamers show a blind affinity to the Call of Duty series, and compare it to other military shooters like Battlefield, Medal of Honor, etc. CODS victims sometimes exhibit interest in other games; however, they quickly revert back to their comfort zone. 

I hope that bringing these diseases to light leads to their eventual cure. These are real-world problems, and if not properly diagnosed, can lead to more serious conditions. 

If you have any disorders that you would like to share with the community, please post them below! 

 
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Comments (9)
Jayhenningsen
October 27, 2011

Very funny stuff, Stojan. Reminds me of a book I own: The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases ( http://www.amazon.com/Thackery-Lambshead-Eccentric-Discredited-Diseases/dp/1892389541 )

Default_picture
October 27, 2011

I need to get checked out for every single one of those.  I only recently broke out of the habit of reloading as soon as I'm done shooting, but if I don't stay on top of it I'll relapse.

Stoylogosmall
October 28, 2011

OCRD is the worst one for me. I've died SO MANY times during a reload sequence. 

Stoylogosmall
November 02, 2011

Thanks for the spotlight on the front page!

Profile
November 02, 2011

This was funny! That drawing is priceless.

Default_picture
November 03, 2011

I suffer from OCRD, have had bouts of Mazephobia, and maybe have a mild case of MVGH (no longer buy much at all, but I do still have a hard time parting with anything). If in shooters your weapon of choice is a shotgun then OCRD is good to have. You never want to have to reload a shotgun when an enemy gets close. I was playing GoldenEye last night and would reload after every two or three shots even though the gun held eight.

Shoe_headshot_-_square
November 03, 2011

Oh my god, I suffer from most of these!!

Bruce
November 03, 2011

Wow... It looks like I have strong SOA

Bruce
November 03, 2011

Wow... It looks like I have strong SOAS and mild MVGH...

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