Once again, it's time to deck the halls with boughs of truth holly!

Ah, the holidays...that wonderful time of year when the internet shuts down for a few days because nobody has any money left. But one thing stays intact through the last-minute rushes and yuletide carnage: traditions! Maybe it started as a gag, maybe guilty parent passed it down to unruly child, but everybody's got a holiday checklist ingrained in their soul. And it's just not Christmhanukwanzaa until the deeds are done.

So in this season of peace, love, and family, what does a misanthropic horde of violence-prone loners do to mark this festive occasion?

"Princess Peach, she always invites me over for a-cake. And-a letta me you, that pink puttanesco can't-a bake for s***. That Bowser, I probably save-a his life, he don't getta no cake."

- Mario, Super Mario Galaxy 2

"I spend eight days stringing lights onto a 5-foot tree. If anyone looks directly at it when I turn them on, their eyeballs explode like the birth of two tiny, short-lived suns."

- Ryu Hayabusa, Ninja Gaiden 3

"I build sleighs that could actually travel around the world in one night. The laws of physics are my bitch! Now where can I find an insane biologist to make me eight mutant flying reindeer...?"

- Gordon Freeman, Half-Life 2

"Me and the guys hit the road and go caroling. We pull out all the oldies...Metal God Rest Ye, Merry Headbangers, Jingle My Bells, Mistress for Christmas, Satan Claus is Coming to Town, Deck the Halls with Blood...you name it, we play it."

- Eddie Riggs, Brutal Legend

"Well, I get gratuitously naked while shooting guns, but that's what I tend to do on just about any day ending in the letter 'Y'."

- Bayonetta, Bayonetta

"I give my clothes their annual washing. Everything but the headband. That never comes off. I'm not sure it can anymore."

- Ryu, Street Fighter 4

"Typically, I go to some frozen, Godforsaken wilderness where I'm physically uncomfortable and out in the elements all the time, well away from family and friends, with nothing but stale MREs to eat while people shoot at me all day. God, I hate Detroit."

- John "Soap" MacTavish, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

"Oh, I don't have any traditions, but I shall start one. I will anonymously donate money earned from my alleged contract murders to charity. Can anyone direct me to a nonprofit bioweapons manufacturer with an emotionally unstable CEO?"

- HK-47, Star Wars: The Knights of the Old Republic

"I used to fire half my employees right after Cyber Monday when I was young and feckless, but now I just set deadlines on high-priority projects right between Christmas and New Years and circulate layoff rumors. Then I move the deadlines up and watch productivity soar! That's the best present of all."

- Rufus Shinra, Final Fantasy 7

"I drink way too much eggnog and try to avoid getting caught under the mistletoe by my giant pig-friend."

- Jade, Beyond Good and Evil