Congratulations on your purchase of Traitor's Keep, the new downloadable content for Lionhead Studios' Fable 3. Before continuing, please look in the virtual box to make sure that you have received the following items:

• Three (3) new environments.
• Five (5) irritating fetch quests.
• Two handfuls (10) of new Achievements.
• One (1) new quest, containing one (1) boss fight against Iron Man.
• A number (?) of questions about the propriety of everything your character has done in the game so far.
• One (1) potion to turn your in-game dog into a clockwork monstrosity.

This manual is concerned with the care and maintenance of your new clockwork dog. There are walkthroughs available online for all that other stuff.

After going to the Sanctuary and turning your beloved lifelong friend into a demon straight from Robot Hell, you will almost certainly have several questions about how to take care of your new affront to man and nature. Rest assured that by following the instructions contained herein, you will be prepared both physically and psychologically to spend the rest of your virtual life in the company of a soulless metal beast.

Section 1: How is the clockwork dog different from a regular dog?

The short answer is that it isn't. The clockwork dog is programmed so well to mimic organic canine behavior that you won't be able to tell the difference. It will still lead you to treasure and dig spots, attack your fallen enemies, and even sleep in its usual bed.

But does it really need to sleep, or is it just so good at acting like a normal dog that it pretends to be dormant? And from our point of view does it really matter, since a sleeping dog and a fake-sleeping dog are basically the sa -- OH GOD MY HEAD.

The only appreciable difference is that the clockwork dog emits a nightmarish metallic bark, but odds are good that the game will glitch that out soon enough.

Section 2: What does the clockwork dog eat?

Let me answer that question with a question: What does a regular dog eat? At no point in Fable 3 is it necessary to feed your dog. I'm not even sure why this section is in here.

But the short answer is that, like a regular dog, the clockwork dog receives all the nutrition it needs from your love...and the blood of your enemies.

Section 3: Is it necessary to wind the clockwork dog? It is clockwork, after all.

As long as the clockwork dog receives a steady diet of affection and the blood of your enemies, you will never need to wind it. That giant key in its back is merely cosmetic, just like dyes, hairstyles, beards, clothes, home furnishings, and in-game children.

However, should your clockwork dog ever make a noise like, "Whhrrrrr, whrrrrrr, claaaaaaagh," then you are advised to kill yourself immediately, because that will be far preferable to what it is about to do to you.

Above: What it is about to do to you?

Section 4: What about upkeep? Am I going to have to buy a lot of oil or something?

The clockwork dog is self-lubricating, which is a good thing because you really don't want to know where the engineers put the mainspring. You can look for it if you want, but be prepared for laughter, staring, and a flood of embarrassing rumors.

Section 5: What about...you know...

Like the regular dog, the clockwork dog produces no waste. It would be pretty neat if the clockwork dog pooped AA batteries or something, because those things are expensive, but remember that it is clockwork, not electrical. Its only byproduct is the insomnia produced by trying to sleep in the same room as a creature with innards like Big Ben.

Section 6: If I love my clockwork dog, will the clockwork dog love me back?

You would think so, wouldn't you? Sadly, the answer is that the clockwork dog is incapable of loving you. However, it is programmed to closely recreate the behaviors and postures of real, unconditional love. Over time you will convince yourself that the two of you share a perfect, beautiful bond.

And when that happens, please be advised that you are living a lie. A sad, sad, miserable, sad lie.

His love is not real, but he is also not real.

We hope this manual has been useful to you and that you enjoy your new clockwork dog, even though it's exactly like your other dog except that it's made of metal.