Video games have been a passion of mine for nearly twenty years.  Those who know me well are aware of this, but few people understand the reasons why I enjoy video games.  Even if they are aware of my profound interest in this wonderful hobby, few individuals know what else in life drives me.  There are a number of things I could list that define me, but for the purpose of simplification, I've boiled it down to two things: My interest in video games and rap.

These two interests have long been a part of my life, but my relationship with video games is closer, since I've played them for nearly twice as long.  However, both video games and rap have had a lasting influence on me, and have helped me in different ways.  Video games have often been an outlet for my positive emotions, while rap has usually been an outlet for my negative feelings.  That's not to say that video games are good and rap is bad; both have actually helped me through hard times. 

I refer to video games as my light side, because they are often associated with feelings such as hope and happiness.  Throughout my entire life, I've been a dreamer.  I've always wanted to make the world a better place by ending wars, racism, homelessness, and all other sorts of idealistic things.

Sure, my dreams may have been far beyond my abilities at times, but I've often made the effort to help people who are struggling.  Whether the person was depressed and needed someone to talk to or was in need of food, I'd do my best to help.  I'd also often educate people on little understood topics.  For example, there is often an extreme prejudice against those who are Muslims in the United States of America, so I made it my mission to make fellow Americans aware that most Muslims aren't terrorists or even Arabs.

Clearly, I have taken action at times, but oftentimes my expectations of what should occur are too high.  Still, I've been through a number of difficult situations in life myself, so I'm aware of the struggles many people face on a daily basis.  Video games are one of the things that have helped me cope with these challenges.

Games like Tales of Symphonia have helped me not give up on the world when I'm down.  What I liked about that game in particular was its focus on timeless issues of race and whether or not people who have wronged us should be forgiven.  For those who haven't played it, much of the storyline details the conflict between two different races and a mixed race they spawned called the Half-Elves.

Even though a person of the half-elf race had previously saved the world from destruction, this race was looked down upon by humans.  The half-elves were often treated as if they were monsters, and were subjected to horrible experiments.  In one of Tales of Symphonia's other worlds, the situation was reversed.  In this world, humans were being enslaved by a group called the Desians, which the player later discovers to be a band of half-elves.

This group was enslaving humans and killing them for the purpose of extracting crystals contained within their bodies that would allow the half-elves to become heavenly beings.  You later discover that the person responsible for all this was the previous hero of the war.

This hero, Mithos, never got over his people's brutal treatment.  The outcast half-elves that were considered to be no different than a plague were nearly brought to extinction at one point.  Instead of attempting to seek peace with his oppressors, Mithos thought things would never change and decided to create his own world strictly for the half-elves and commit the same atrocities carried out by the humans.

Sadly, these types of events often occur in the real world.  Many of the events we are experiencing today are the result of years of hatred and oppression.  Very few individuals understand that war is more than good versus evil.  Certain peoples or religions are often falsely classified as terrorists, while other groups are defined as benevolent by themselves.  Most people fail to realize that these issues are far more complex than what media outlets tell them, and that the "enemy" was wronged too.

Tales of Symphonia's plot may have been fairly simplistic, but it really resonated with me.  I've experienced many of the issues discussed in the game on a micro and macro level, so it really hit home.  I found Symphonia and its successor especially important, because they convinced me not to give up on this world.  Oftentimes, I'm frustrated with all the hatred and warfare in this world, but games like Tales remind me that reacting in the same way won't get me anywhere.

I should mention however that I don't only play video games for the story.  Many of my favorite video games often contain a story that moved me, but I also play games for the pure fun that they present.  Super Mario Galaxy is a perfect example of this type of game.

On my 22nd birthday, I was having a terrible day, but Super Mario Galaxy shined through those dark clouds.  Jumping through levels sporting an excellent physics engine was a joy I hadn't experienced since Super Mario 64.  I enjoyed Sunshine, but it just didn't have the magical quality of Galaxy. 

Galaxy managed to capture me, because of its Mario 3-sized levels, its use of gravity, and the amazing planets Mario would explore.  And as usual, Mario was a joy to control.  Even in 2009, it's rare that I play a game that controls as well as Mario.  There's nothing that puts you in the action more than an amazing control scheme that makes you feel as if you're the character.

So, I've given you a couple examples of how games help me overcome thoughts of hopelessness and despair, but now I'd like to explain how rap does the same thing, and why I consider it to be my dark side.

To be honest, I originally started listening to rap, because I liked the beats and clothing styles, and I wished I was as respected as some of the ruffians I saw on the street and at school.  I came from a religiously conservative family, and wasn't allowed to listen to much other than classical, so rap was something I mainly heard at middle school on occasion, until I secretly started purchasing albums on my own.

Initially, I listened to several mainstream artists that are still popular today, but not Lil' Wayne (thank God). I mostly listened to these "artists" for their beats and didn't even think twice about whether they were legit or not.  Towards the end of high school, I started coming into my own, and searching for artists that actually had something meaningful to say.

I no longer cared what other people thought, so I started searching for artists that I could relate to and that tackled social issues that were important to me.  Also, I had a number of struggles throughout my younger years and post-high school, so I often listened to my favorite artists to help me get through rough times.

One of these artists, who I found a couple years ago is named Z-Ro (real name, Joseph McVey).  I could really relate to Z-Ro, because of all the difficult struggles he's had to overcome.  This man grew up in the slums of Houston and lost his mother due to cancer at age six.  He also never had a father around, and spent a good chunk of his younger years homeless or going from house to house until his grandma took him in.

Z-Ro was also beat up and harassed regularly until he joined a gang.  I'm not a fan of gangs, but the thing I like about Z-Ro is that he cares about other people and won't attack someone unless they mess with him or his friends.  He's a also a humble guy who is always real in his songs and declined major record deals, since they wanted to censor and alter his content.  I also really respect the fact that he'll admit everything he's going through including sometimes having suicidal thoughts.

Here's two songs I like from his 2006 album called "I'm Still Livin':"

Besides Z-Ro, there's another artist I have the utmost respect for named Trae.  Trae is often known as someone who rides for the city of Houston.  He's Z-Ro's cousin, and also grew up in a harsh environment.  Unlike Z-Ro, Trae never joined a gang and he doesn't even smoke weed or sip lean, but he's also someone who's rarely anything but real on the mic.

Instead of glorifying the street life and rapping about rims, Trae often details what really happens in poverty stricken areas.  In his songs, he mentions things like the innocent kids that get killed in shootings and the pain he's experienced due to his older brother never being around from being locked up for life.  Trae has also done plenty of great things for the Houston community such as donate school supplies to needy children, give food to hurricane Katrina victims (he also got Chamillionaire to help), and host free concerts. 

Trae also likes video games, and was featured in the Madden '07 soundtrack.   He also has a following worldwide despite being an underground artist.  Even though Trae broke Mike Jones' nose at the Ozone awards due to him mouthing off, he's generally a nice guy that's got love for anyone who is real.

Here's a couple Trae songs for anyone who's interested in hearing him rap:

Z-Ro and Trae have definitely helped me get through hard times.  When I'm having a particularly bad day, I usually pop in a CD and jam their tunes.  Knowing that those two have gone through some harder things than me helps me press on even in the darkest of hours.  They also help me release my pent up anger that I rarely have an outlet to express.

The mainstream media often discusses how video games turn people into homicidal maniacs, and some gamers mention how violent video games help them release their anger in a way that isn't harmful, but they've never really done that for me.  When I pop in a first-person shooter, I'm usually looking for a competitive, yet fun, atmosphere.  I'm not usually playing because I want to hack that monster in half with a chain saw.

I'm not saying that video game violence is bad or should be equated with real life violence, but violent games have never been an outlet for me to release my anger.  Rap on the other hand, has helped me keep my occasional angry thought in check.

There's one last artist I'd like to mention that has had a different sort of affect on me.  He's known as H.A.W.K., one of the original members of DJ Screw's Screwed Up Click (not clique).  Unlike the other artists I mentioned, H.A.W.K. almost always remained positive.  He's the most friendly, humble rapper I've ever listened to, despite his tough circumstances.  Even after his brother who was an upcoming rap superstar was murdered in '98, H.A.W.K. still kept it positive and didn't seek revenge.

He was also a guy who had love for everyone--Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, you name it.  H.A.W.K. was nice to the majority of the people he would encounter, and did things like invite someone who had cancer to rap on one of his tapes.  Unfortunately, he was killed in a drive-by in May 2006, but I'll never forget him and his lyrical ability.  I love his clever word play, and would actually write some of my favorite lyrics of his down, but unfortunately, no lyric websites have accurately recorded his songs.  Still, here's a couple tunes for your listening pleasure:

Unfortunately, I couldn't find many of  HAWK's songs on Youtube, so you won't be able to listen to his clever wordplay at its finest, but here's one of the last videos he was in (HAWK is the guy in the hat who raps second):

By now, you probably realize that video games and music are not only forms of entertainment for me--they are mediums that help me get through difficult times.  I'm not saying that these two electronic mediums are solely responsible for molding me into who I am, but they have certainly improved the quality of my life.  Many other people have likely had similar experiences with their favorite genre of music and video games.  Their interests may not have formed a duality of light and dark as mine did, but I know I'm not alone. 

I hope you've enjoyed learning about two of the things that have kept me sane during difficult times.  Video games and rap may not comprise my entire life, but I can't see myself moving away from these forms of entertainment in the near future.  But who knows--perhaps I'll someday find another medium that will have an equal impact on my life.