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When you name a game something like Donkey Kong Country Returns, you build up some very specific expectations in the minds of your future customers. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found developer Retro's recent take on the series is less of a nostalgic stroll and more of a grueling death march through memory lane.
Pleased fans and reviewers described DKCR as "challenging," but they need to grab a dictionary. "Frustrating" is a more fitting label for the toil the game puts players through. "Sadistic" is a good one, too, as DKCR wants more than to see you fail: It wants you to suffer.
At first glance, you might think DKCR is a cakewalk, because it grants you two health points per Kong rather than just the one. Hearts and barrels can recover life when times get tough, but the game prefers to take you out instantly.
Every few levels feature interesting (but frustrating) set-pieces like mine cart rides and rocket barrel chases. Hearts don't matter when a single hit sends you flying off the screen with no chance of recovery. When the gimmicks grow old, the game resorts to old-fashioned pitfalls...loads and loads of pitfalls. Unfortunately, DK isn't as maneuverable as he used to be. When he's not plodding around at his slow walking pace, he's launching himself through the air with his powerful roll. Platforming is fun but risky at high speeds.
The cheap deaths wouldn't be so bad if the game didn't rub them in your face with its slow pace. Checkpoints usually send you back to the beginnings of these brutal segments. Naturally, you'll grow more and more impatient each time you're forced to negotiate the same obstacles over and over in any game. DKCR's levels, however, have tested my patience more than any other game in recent memory.
One particularly devious level has you traversing a beach during a violent storm. Large waves come crashing down on the stage from the background every few seconds, sweeping DK off the screen the moment one makes contact. Your only protection comes in the form of small walls of stone scattered throughout the beach. You have to race from wall to wall, evading each wave. When you die (and die you will), you have to make the slow, frustrating journey all over again.
Retro seems to be fully aware of how difficult it made DKCR. Rather than doling out his usual cynical words of wisdom, Cranky Kong sells extra lives. You buy these with coins found in all sorts of nooks and crannies your first time through each level...and your second, and third, and so on. Every time you die, you're encouraged to collect the same treasures again and again to avoid a game over and unlock extra levels. As a result, progress in DKCR can be painfully slow, making it a stark departure from the original trilogy's brisk and enjoyable pace.
When things get so tough you can't continue, DKCR offers up the super guide. Die enough times and you can watch a computer-controlled Super Kong beat the level for you. The problem here is that DKCR's stages aren't difficult to understand -- just hard to beat. The game offers me the guide often, but I've declined every time after the first. I might not like trudging through the same obstacle course over and over, but I don't want to watch someone else do it for me, either.
My biggest problem with DKCR's difficulty is that it feels so out of place. The original games were simple platformers that oozed atmosphere. Retro's update looks great and has lots of charm going for it, but it's hard to focus on that after the first world or so when you're just trying to stay alive. It's simply not the experience the name on the box implies. That's not to say it's terrible, just that Retro should have named it Cranky Kong's Revenge instead.
