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Microsoft is really good at copying the competition. And we don't blame them -- any product that makes us look like morons is an instant-sell for us.

News Blips:

• Say cheese: Microsoft to use camera to document your idiotic movements. We've been hearing about this news ever since the Wii debuted, but it seems like Microsoft may finally be showing off its 360 gesture-based motion camera at this year's E3. Still, don't expect to be shamelessly waving your limbs until 2010 -- word is it'll take a year before Microsoft can get their copy-Nintendo camera on the market. Until then, you can always play this game. [VentureBeat]

• New flashcart encourages Nintendo fans to become pirates. The DSi makes it harder to be a law-breaking cheapskate, so that's why the company Supercard created a flashcart that lets you play pirated games on your fancy new system. Not that we support this. Because it could get you arrrrrrrrrrrested. [Kotaku]

• Lunar: The Silver Star casts a phoenix down on itself. The latest issue of Japanese gaming mag Famitsu revealed Lunar: The Silver Star (this time renamed Lunar: Harmony of Silver Star) is coming the PSP. In case you didn't play it on the GBA. Or the PS1. Or the Sega CD. Or the Atari 2600. [1UP]

• Analysts use supreme intellect to predict obvious. A bunch of number-crunching videogame analysts are saying the upcoming Wii MotionPlus doohickey will sell a lot -- 10 million units to be exact. Well, duh. In other news, punching yourself in the face makes you say, "Ow!" [Joystiq]

Hit the jump for some video blips, including a painfully obvious Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 pop-up clip, retro Commodore 64 load screens, board games you can't buy, and...more.

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Editor's Note: We're hoping this is the first of many posts you'll read on Bitmob from GameSpot alum Aaron Thomas, who also helped us out with his work behind the camera on next week's Hoe Down episode. And he's leading the upcoming intervention we're planning for Dan 'Shoe' Hsu; we'll see if Shoe's ready to kick his own achievements habit. We don't think he's quite hit rock bottom yet, though. -Demian

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have played Xbox 360 games for the sole purpose of artificially boosting my gamerscore. I have played terrible games on purpose; I have forsaken good games for children's games; I have adjusted sliders, stacked rosters, and played as both players one and two so that I could easily accumulate more points. My sins are too many to mention, but I shall list some of my more egregious acts here. Please be patient, this may take a while.

Cars - In February of 2007 I spent an entire Sunday playing Cars, the children's game based on the Pixar flick of the same name. It was a gorgeous day outside, but I spent it indoors tractor tipping with Mater and racing my way to victory in the Radiator Springs GP and Rustbucket Race-O-Rama. Oh, I forgot to mention I used cheat codes for unlimited boost. Sorry about that.

College Hoops 2K6 - Get 40 points with any player, six blocks with any player, 20 steals with any team...you get the idea. Remember the girls basketball coach that got fired for beating the other school 100-0? He had nothing on me. These tasks should have been fun, but what did I do? Change the half length, pit the best team against the worst, and set the game to the lowest difficulty. Even then I had to cheese a little bit and take shots from half-court to make sure I grabbed enough rebounds.

Superman Returns - In March of 2007 I put a rubber band around the right analog stick and left the game on overnight in an effort to get the Frequent Flyer achievement for flying 10,000 miles. My only justification here is that I was at least smart enough to know not to play the game long enough to accrue those miles naturally. Trust me, it's little consolation.

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News Blips:

• Kojima Productions prescribe fanboys three day case of blue balls. The folks over at 1UP apparently received a cryptic e-mail from the Metal Gear Solid makers teasing the reveal of their new game. Considering the subject line of the mysterious message reads "T-3 Days," along with a link to a not-yet-working site, one would assume we'll know in a few days. But that's only if you trust this "one." We don't -- that guy is always wrong. [1UP]

• 4 Million people eat up Cooking Mama, feel bloated. Publisher Majesco are boasting about all the delicious dough they've made off of the Cooking Mama series. Between five games, the series has sold over 4 million copies. Just think, if only PETA bought a copy, they could have made that number 4 million and one. Party poopers. [GameSpot]

• EA hates boards, but likes games; announces Hasbro Family Game Night 2 for the Wii. Just like the last game, Hasbro Family Game Night 2 is a compilation of classic Hasbro board games, perfect for those who are too lazy to grab their own boxed copies out of the closet. Our favorite inclusion is definitely Operation. Though we're curious if Hasbro ever listened to Ned's suggestions for Cavity Sam's new ailments. [Kotaku]

• Atari feels fat; decides against showing off its goods at E3. For some reason the fledgling publisher isn't presenting any games at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) this year. Well, there goes our chances of snapping a sexy shot of Atari bigwig Phil Harrison. [Kotaku]

Click the jump for some video blips, including code-free footage of the new WiiWare Contra game, a White Knight Chronicles trailer, $2,500 Xbox shoes, and...more.

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Denise Kaigler showed up to our interview barefoot and...well, otherwise, professionally dressed from head to right above the ankles. And it's not just her lack of footwear that gave Nintendo of America's Vice President, Corporate Affairs her laid-back vibe: She small talked, she smiled and chuckled a lot, and she made us feel at ease.

She's almost like the Wii itself: something more casual for Nintendo's new place in this industry. But push her too hard, and her tough, former-reporter self will come out and try to put you back in your place. OK, so she wouldn't bite when asked if the iPhone is a threat to the DS platform, but we did get a chance to discuss plenty more. Where are the hardcore games? Why don't third-party title sell? And what the hell is Rock 'N' Roll Climber?

A short video of our interview is here, but read on for all the extra stuff that was left out.

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This was supposed to be a weekly column wrapping up some of our favorite posts that didn't end up on the front page. That's not going to work out, but for a best-case scenario reason -- we've already got too much good stuff. If we wait a whole week we'll be up to our surgically modified elf ears in interesting and creative articles by you guys (and the occasional gal), so we're digging out now.

In case you weren't sitting around frantically pressing F5 on the Mobfeed recently (Takahashi Meijin style), you may have missed...

Game Reviews from a 13-Year-Old 
I love this post from Dan Kercher about the notebook he recently found, which was filled with game-related ranting and raving from his 13-year-old self. "Mario talks like a 5-year-old girl, but it's still fun to jump around and stuff." Indeed. I hope he's got more where that came from, as long as it's not Luigi/Peach fanfic. Actually, I take it back, I would still read that. (Image courtesy of tolemach.)

Exclusive: Zork HD
The prolific Brett Bates submitted what may be Bitmob's first humor article, although we're pretty sure not everyone actually realized it was a joke. Those people need to play Zork more (or at least once).

Within Canon: Creating a Believable Fangame
James Murff is a bigtime Ecco the Dolphin fan. No, I mean really big. Like thinking about making a prequel big.

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He was no slouch in our company soccer games, either, but on the field he went by the substantially less awesome name Scott Augustyn.

The difference here, of course, is that the name Scott came from his parents; the name Ace came from his brain.

Augustyn was a videogame-strategy editor for the late EGM2, sister magazine to the more recently late Electronic Gaming Monthly, my ol' gig. He, like me, is part of the first generation that has grown up with a privilege previously reserved for amnesiacs, fugitives, and folks in witness-protection programs: We can rename ourselves. And while Augustyn could--and did--write books about how to whiz through role-playing games and unleash Killer Instinct combos that would last 15 minutes, I was more interested in gleaning a different kind of gaming knowledge when I first saw him input a character name 13 years ago.

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We know some language-loving fanboys will be sad about the Final Fantasy XIII news below, but it's nothing to cry about. In fact, it's something to laugh about.

News Blips:

• 360 version of Final Fantasy XIII too stupid to learn Japanese. Or, we should say, not intellectually capable enough, as Square Enix has confirmed that it's not possible to include multiple languages of its upcoming role-playing game because of the space limitations of the 360's DVD disc. PS3 users, however, will get to listen to characters yap it up in both languages due to the bloated belly of Blu-ray. Personally, we're waiting for the PS4 version so we can cast Knights of the Round in Klingon. [Kotaku]

• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 cover story makes trees cry. The new issue of Game Informer has a big feature on the new Call of Duty game for those who still enjoy reading words on paper. Craziest piece of info? You shoot things. Mind = blown! [Joystiq]

• Jerry Bruckheimer knows nothing about games, so hires people who do. The man responsible for Pirates of Caribbean hired former Microsoft and Ubisoft executives to help him create games for the production company he announced way back in 2007. Jake Gyllenhaal has also been hired to exclusively walk around the office with his shirt off for some odd reason. [Joystiq]

• Tough decision: Buy a real guitar or buy a fake one for the same amount of money. Peripheral-maker Logitech revealed a $200 Rock Band/Guitar Hero guitar for those who want to rock out like an idiot in style. To anyone who buys this, South Park has a message for you. [Kotaku]

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Editor's Note: A really fascinating read about how a former bully channeled his energies into videogaming instead of his victims' faces. Take that, Jack Thompson. -Shoe

There is something extremely satisfying about a well-thrown punch. The feeling of contact between your fist and bone. The sharp snap it makes. The tinge of pain in your forearm from the shock of the impact.

I'm not talking about just hitting something. I'm describing what happens when you use everything your body has, directed through your fist, in an attempt to destroy what's on the other end. It's addictive and dangerous. Most people never really experience that. But those who do know exactly what I mean.

When I was younger, I was very familiar with that feeling. Growing up in the projects meant that when someone pushes you, you push back harder. It's a simple rule that worked amazingly well. I didn't get pushed that often, and when I did, I made sure it didn't happen again.

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Seems like casual games are getting hardcore respect nowadays. 'Bout time people realized how much fun it is to bake cakes, cook food, and, uh, shoot balls at rectangles.

News Blips:

• Blizzard equips former PopCap vice president for +50 casual damage. The makers of World of Warcraft hired casual bigwig Greg Canessa to, well, we're not sure yet, actually. But it will probably involve getting your mom to play WoW. Oh, wait -- your mom already plays it. Haha -- our bad! [Kotaku]

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During my time with EGM, it was my job to destroy but sometimes love terrible games. And I'm happy to say that after several years and five PlayStation suicides...Mission Accomplished. They have stopped making bad games.

This won me the Congressional Nintendo Seal of Official Nintendo Sealing, and impressed the founders of Bitmob so much that they put me in charge of something even more important: fixing the lives of its readers and contributors.

Do you have a problem you can't solve? Do you have a question you can't answer? Send it to letters@bitmob.com with the subject "Seanbaby."

You might ask, "Mr. Baby, how will your experience with Jenga on the Nintendo Wii help me?" Stop making your problems about me. My Nintendo Wii and I have looked into the eyes of the Devil. There is bacteria living in a fat person's septic tank that wouldn't touch some of the games I've played. So unless you want to drag your thumbs through hell like I have, I'm the only chance you've got....

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