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Apparently, a few of my tips from last time didn’t work out so well. Something about readers being sent to prison, hoping that I die in a fire, and some nonsense about "dropping the soap" or whatever. On the positive side, I’ve received a few letters from gracious fans that detail how much they’ve learned in prison and exactly what they want to do to my genitalia once they get out. You know, they actually seem kind of hostile now that I think about it.

But fear not (incarcerated) fans, for I have not forsaken you! I bring good news; I have taken pity upon your pathetic state and have decided to help you out once again. Aren’t I just the nicest person? Anyway, let The Gaming School of Prison Survival commence.

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Dead or Alive 5 is clearly a direct response to the oft-pondered question, "Is gaming art?"

By casually asking the player to choose between absurdly revealing outfits and regularly revealing outfits, DOA 5's game designers force the player to reveal the true natures of his or her id state. The contemporary character-select screen, which has always tapped into our Jungian archetypes, suddenly takes on a decidedly more Freudian slant.

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The Community Spotlight features some of the best unedited articles that didn't quite make the front page. This week, we move on from a venerable series, wonder if Halo 4 is in the right developers' hands, promote people, and more. Mix your herbs and read on.

Why I'm moving on from Resident Evil games
By Avery Tingle

After playing the demo of Resident Evil 6, Avery was less than impressed. "Resident Evil is starting to feel like the Madden version of the survival horror genre," Avery writes, "a series of just-enough small tweaks and minor improvements with a new number slapped on."

Falling into the wrong hands (possibly)
By Jesse Meixsell

No, this isn't about the news of a Halo 4 leak. Jesse's concerned that Halo 4 was in trouble much earlier, when original developers Bungie handed the reins over to 343 Industries. Jesse looks at similar circumstances in other series...and their mixed results.

People promotion in a faceless world
By Aaron Davies

"Does gaming have a face?" Aaron asks. "Who are the people that most video game fans recognize and relate to?" Aaron argues that it's important for gaming fans to have a real person to identify and associate with a brand. Do you agree?

Microsoft doesn't want free advertising for Halo 4
By Alexander Kraus

Microsoft has rolled out new content policies that prevent fans from uploading their in-game creations to websites like YouTube. And that doesn't make sense to Alexander. "I'm sure the numerous content creators out there will be glad to not give you any free advertising for your games, Microsoft," he writes.

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Resident Evil 6 makes me weep. The series that used to haunt my dreams as a kid is long gone, and something sort of like Gears of War took its place. Amusingly, I’ve tried forcing my way through RE6’s campaigns at least six times at this point, but I always throw my controller aside in frustration.

Why? Because the series gave up on trapping players in labyrinthian monster factories and started imprisoning them in unskippable cinematic sequences and perpetual quick-time events. The scary’s gone, and the disjointed action game that remains just isn’t cutting it.

You can blame several factors for this, like the creator of the original game (Shinji Mikami) leaving Capcom, the fact that over 20 different studios worked on this project, or you can adhere to the misguided belief that Japanese developers just don’t get Western audiences. The real reason is that the franchise is too old and too nebulous to support itself anymore.

We need a reboot, preferably one that breaks away from all the crap mechanics recent developers have “expanded” since Resident Evil 4. Ideally, the team that made Resident Evil: Revelations would take over the series, drop the numbers and home console support, and evolve RE into a portable horror experience.

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Make no mistake, this is a rant article. Many of my arguments are commonly discussed, but I feel the need to wrap it all up in one nice package to properly present the results of purposefully unbalanced game design. 

The danger of unbalanced design first came to my attention while in a public development discussion in my America's Army days. We were having a standard back-and-forth about feature ideas and requests, but one guy was obviously going on a "We should make it like Counter Strike" rant, so I served him up a rant in return about why that is a great example of unbalanced design. Now, before I lose you, I fully understand why people play Counter Strike and have a jolly ol' time with it. Even I blew many hours on it when I was in college.

But that doesn't make it a balanced game. For one, the team that wins the starting match has a large advantage since winning teams get more money each round and can afford better weapons, giving them better chances of winning again. The guy's response to that was something along the lines of, “Well, you shouldn't lose the first match.” 

Before that, I had taken all of his comments as fair opinion, but that is where the realization came in that not only did he actually prefer an unbalanced and not particularly "fair" game, but also that he had no idea why.

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"You hammer the buttons and wiggle the sticks!" So proclaims this clever song, humorously mocking Resident Evil 6's reliance on dated quick-time events. I mean, you know a game's controls are frustrating when they inspire an entire musical number.

As someone who loved Resident Evil 4 (and tolerated Resident Evil 5), I'm a bit sad to see the franchise basically become a joke. Still, at least it's a funny one. Now let's all laugh at the funny video after the jump!

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If something goes wrong with a baby product, the company issues a recall. Food producers list the ingredients that might cause an allergic reaction. But video games, on the other hand, have turned out differently. While a game for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, or PC receiving patches to fix bugs is nothing new, developers should know that it still needs to be a complete package.

What happens when a publisher releases a broken game with no plans to fix it? Not only does that company have consumers' money but it isn't going to use that money to fix the problem. This is where things get interesting.

Now, let's have a look at what is loved and what gets the shaft. Patches are just patches. Downloadable content given to one version of a game and not the others? Then that’s when the "mommy loves me more" argument comes into play.

PS3 owners won't be getting Skyrim’s latest content. Let’s think about it.

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On October 5, 1962, Sean Connery introduced himself to audiences in the UK for the first time as James Bond in Dr. No.

Since then, Bond has gone up against murderous megavillains lounging around titanic secret hideouts and an array of equally wicked minions ranging from the metal-mouthed Jaws to Bambi and Thumper.

There are a lot things I find irresistible about the films, whether it's the thrill of Bond's brilliantly narrow escapes, the bizarre plots the villains dream up, or the lovely women that can also turn the tables on expectations by being as tough as he is.

Bond started out in books written by author Ian Fleming, whose experiences in British Naval Intelligence during WW2 provided a healthy diet for Bond's fiction. As the books later became inspiration for the films, the franchise exploded into everything imaginable. Comics, new novels, and kid's cartoon James Bond Jr. made their way down the pipe from new writers in the decades since Bond boiled Dr. No like a lobster. And then came games as varied as Q's gadgets. From board games in the '60s to video games from the '80s, England's gentleman spy has made a place for himself in living rooms and man caves everywhere.

To help celebrate 50 years of Bond, I thought it would be fun to take a brief look on Bond's digital career. Kicking things off, let's head into the era of big hair bands and arcades: the '80s.

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Is it already October? Yes, it is. And do you know how I can tell? Because my wallet's already lighter as the rush of holiday game releases begins. (Hang in there, buddy. It's gonna get worse for you before it gets better.)

Fortunately, our loyal Bitmob community churns out great content no matter the time of year. This month's list has includes analyses, apologies, and anecdotes galore. But sometimes, you've just gotta give it up for Master Chief dancing Gangnam Style. Congrats to everyone!

Here are the most-read community articles for September 2012:

10. Fan-made HD Arwing shows what Star Fox might be like on Wii U by Jan Neves

9. Nudity in gaming shouldn't be a bigger taboo than violence by Mark Willette

8. Why the reaction to Bayonetta 2's Wii U exclusivity is annoying by Ryan Conway

7. Why Borderlands 2 is more exciting than Diablo 3 by William Franklin

6. The Wii U is a stopgap at best by Ethan Clevenger

5. L.A. Noire: A case for the future of gaming by Chris Sampson

4. An open apology to associates and influences by Ryan Perez

3. Papo & Yo: A mirror of my childhood by Louis Garcia

2. Why Portal 2 should really get us excited for the next Half-Life by Justin Raymond

1. Halo's Master Chief puts down his rifle and jams to Gangnam Style by Jan Neves

Do you want to be on next month's list? Here are some tips:

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I received my copy of developer Arkane Studios' stealth-action title Dishonored today. Because I preordered it from Best Buy, I received a special bonus item along with the game: a USB-powered "whale oil lamp." I've written before about all the useless plastic crap I've accumulated over the years, so, hey...here's some more.

I can't fault anyone for wanting to throw a little something extra in with a video game, but what exactly do I do with this thing? I turned to the instruction sheet for some guidance.

"The Dishonored USB Whale Oil Lamp," it reads, "is a fun way of making your computer more attractive and your workstation more inviting."

Huh.

I read the rest of the page looking for anything else that might tell me what to do with it, but all it had to offer were a few safety tips ("Do not cover the lights with paper or cloth") and some extra-helpful troubleshooting tips ("If lights do not illuminate, make sure switch is in ON position").

OK, so it looks like I'm on my own here.

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With the recent re-release of Sonic Adventure 2 and NiGHTS into Dreams on PSN and XBLA, I am reminded of a terror that has kept me away from my childhood gaming favorites for quite some time. This beast lurks in the dark recesses of what I affectionately call my "box of retro gaming."

It is a tormentor. A devourer. It seduces you with fond and wonderful feelings, and when you least expect it, it stabs you in the back and leaves you in a ditch to rot. Few dare utter its name, and I do so here in the hopes that some may be saved from its ferocity.

This beast is known simply as nostalgia.

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My Commander Shepard is a good man. I made him that way; my unseen hand guiding him through his spacefaring adventures and shaping his personality. He is by no means a perfect person, but I've ensured that he tries to help out those in need at every opportunity -- just so long as they don't rub him the wrong way. For the most part, I kept my Shepard on the straight and narrow.

But as I drew close to the end of Mass Effect 2, my Shepard made a poor life decision, engaging in a bout of frivolous sex with a lady whom he admittedly didn't like -- all under the pretence that they'd never see one another again anyway. My Shepard lied to this lover of his. He lied because I instructed him to do so. And strangely enough, once all was said and done, not only did my Shepard feel a little dirty but I did as well.

Mass Effect is a series known for the player's ability to make choices that affect the narrative. While the core storyline remains relatively static, no two games, or Commander Shepards, are quite the same.

But why did I have my Shepard act so out of character and so abruptly? Perhaps I had decided that he simply yearned for a relationship of any sort. Perhaps I had decided that he enjoys manipulating those who trust him. Unfortunately, the simple truth lacks such depth: I sold my Commander Shepard's body for Microsoft's Gamer Points.

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