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No offense to Nintendo's heroes, but a plumber and a tight-wearing elf don't really compare to Microsoft's Master Chief, Marcus Fenix, and Blinx the cat. Err, rewind and scratch that last one.

Cultural Blips:

• A White Wall of Death appears. Check out this Final Fantasy 4-inspired bead art piece depicting a Bill Gates-possessed 360 attacking Nintendo's greatest heroes (minus Mario, who ate it early). Guess he wasn't wearing the all-powerful red ring. [Tiny Cartridge]

• Crochet Lemmings walk straight into your cute-loving heart. Craftmaker June stitched together these adorable crochet Lemmings for you to go "aww!" over. Head here if you want to make your own to cuddle and eventually walk off cliffs with. [technabob]

• Tetris soap smells like a winner to us. If you're feeling dirty and don't fancy normal, easy-to-handle soap, piece together some awkwardly shaped Tetris soap. Just don't expect your high score to last very long. [etsy]

• This Tetris shirt fits perfectly vertically. Now that your hands are clean, stand up straight and let this Tetris-inspired shirt fall into place. With a smile, too, unlike these mopey models. [Offworld]

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If you can't beat 'em, screw it -- join 'em all together.

The technology race to keep people connected over the Internet is reaching nonsensical levels, and we're not even talking about email here.

Twitter. Twitter updating your Facebook status. Facebook has an AIM app. AIM 7 is more Facebook/Twitter-like. Xfire supports AIM. Yahoo! Messenger supports Windows Live Messenger. Trillian and Digsby support AIM , MSN Messenger, Facebook, Twitter, and more. Seems like we're all pretty covered by now.

Yet here comes a radically updated Raptr, ready to outdo the outdoers by stuffing them all (yes, including near-direct competitor Xfire) together into one overambitious multiclient instant messenger designed specifically for gamers.

This new Raptr, just released today, attempts to do it all, including stuff you never associated with an IM program before (pie charts showing how much time you spend on Flash games? Links to relevant GameSpot articles?). Yet, it comes up short in a few areas as well. So let's take a closer look at Raptr and see how it compares to some of your other options.

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Trying to keep up with all of the downloadable games and content that's out there these days is enough to make a person cry. But cry no more, because Download Lowdown is here to help. Each week I sift through the good, the bad, and the weird to help you get the most from your game system of choice without leaving your house. Plus, if you read now I'll also toss in some select (usually less-than-helpful) quotes from folks around the Internet at absolutely no extra charge!

This week I try to learn the Secret of Monkey Island, do some adventuring with Trine, and yell at Bit Boy for not cleaning up his Puzzle Domino mess....

Trine
Systems: PC (via Steam), PS3 (coming soon)
Price: $29.99 on Steam and $19.99 on PS3

The Lowdown: Trine is an amazing-looking game to be sure. Too bad it doesn't play quite as good as it looks. It's fun when played co-operatively (if you can find the option, which is buried in a menu), but neither the platforming, nor the action are anything special. I'd certainly say it's worth a look if it were cheaper, but at $30 it's too expensive to download on a whim. If you're curious you can check out the free demo, but if you're not blown away you might want to wait for the cheaper PS3 version that's due out "soon."

What Twitter says:
Diablopath is in love. It's so cute: "Trine, Trine, Trine. I'm so happy you came into my life, Trine."
Emteekek seconds my opinion that Trine is too expensive: "Finished Trine. Great game not worth its money though. Short and after playing it once don't see a reason to go back to it and play it again."
Magicman411 drops some math all up in here: "im thinking about using my 32$ gamestop credit towards a psn card if i get 8 more dollars i can get 40$!!!! im gonna use it for trine."

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While we're stoked for the next Xbox Live update, we're bummed we're going to have to wait until the fall until we can tweet about taking a crap while playing games on the can.

News Blips:

• 360 Games on Demand service ditches discs on August 11th. Microsoft announced today that the next Xbox Live update (which includes the Games on Demand service, Netflix party viewing, and the Avatar crap shop) will be go up on August 11th. Who wants to watch this with us? [ShackNews]

• South Park Xbox Live Arcade game defends oversaturation of tower defense games. South Park Let's Go Tower Defense Play! is a, yep, tower defense game that will be released on October 7th. Someone really needs to make a tower offense game. And, no, Rampart doesn't count! [1UP]

• Guitar Hero 5 challenges encourage players not to suck. New to Guitar Hero 5 are song-specific challenges that act similarly to Achievements. Basically, each song will ask you to do certain tasks (whammy for a certain amount of time, score as much as you can while in Star Power, etc.) in order to get arbitrary awards and unarbitrary unlockables. [Destructoid]

• Soccer player wants to kick developer's balls. Soccer superstar David Beckham apparently wanted to start a fight with some videogame developer who was protesting his return to the Los Angeles Galaxy. I'd be pissed at Beckham, too, if I went to a football game and realized it wasn't a handegg game. [Kotaku]

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Editor's note: Pixel Revolt truly is a full-service community podcast. The guys flew all the way to San Francisco to meet with other Bitmob users and while they were here conducted a few interviews, too. Now that's service! Give it a listen; you just might have made it onto this week's show. - Aaron

If we sound a little worn out during this podcast, I apologize, as we were still attempting to shake off the last bit of fatigue and jet lag from our amazing trip to San Francisco. I know we say it plenty of times during the show, but really, thank you to everyone for being so warm and inviting to all of us while we were out there. Also, because of this episode, we are extending our current community question "What setting would you most like to see a game made in" for another two weeks. Now, onto the show.

With Jeff and Derek recovering from a weekend of taking on everything San Francisco had to offer, they link back up with Brett for a special episode of Pixel Revolt. With the first Bitmob community meetup under their belt, the guys take a look back at their trip, Jeff's travel troubles, just how much gamers actually like to socialize, and just how much fun a convention center full of sweaty nerds can be. Featuring interviews from the Bitmob meetup, this episode is something different and we hope you enjoy.

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Yuna plus Bahamut plus Cloud vs. Kasumi plus a clone army, who would win? Find out, and find more videos of Mafia 2, Shadow Complex, and The Beatles: Rock Band after the break.

Dead Fantasy 4 -- The fourth installment of Monty Oum's 'what if Final Fantasy chicks fought Dead or Alive chicks?' series features Yuna vs. Kasumi, and an ending that has no doubt already inspired a legion of Yuna/Cloud fan fiction authors.

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We know you guys love art books. You made that very clear in the comments in our last three Bitmob Giveaways.

But do you love...towels?

Nintendo recently stopped by with Wii Sports Resort for a press-only contest to see which outlet would score the highest amount of points and win some giant bronze Wiimote trophy. Turns out I still suck at the game, although oddly enough my previously worst event, 3-point shooting, is now one of my best. Nintendo hasn't announced a winner yet, but it's certainly not me/Bitmob.

Anyway, while here, Nintendo dropped off some really nice Wii Sports Resort beach towels to give away to our readers. They're huge and made out of some super-soft space-age material only Nintendo could afford with all its soccer-mom money and that cats seem to love.

The wrinkles are because I just unpacked this towel -- and I don't iron prizes. Sadie the cat is not included.

Just comment below and we'll pick out three (3!) winners at random before Tuesday, July 28. Continental U.S. only, void where prohibited, and you must be registered on Bitmob with a real name and email address.

By the way, congrats to Ronald Zimmerman for winning the Dark Sector art book.

UPDATE: This contest is now closed. Juan Letona, Tyler Thomas Moen, and Jonathan Hunt are the winners!

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Editor's note: I've never understood why gamers look down at others for playing on easy. Can't we all just get along? Brett discovers the joys of gaming on easy. -Jason

I'm about to tell you something that may cause you to immediately stop reading this article.

It's something so shocking that you may never read an article of mine again. It's so heinous that you may actually fly to San Francisco and spawn-camp my apartment building just so you can nail me with a rotten tomato every time I walk out of the door.

OK, here it is: The last two Xbox 360 games that I played were on easy. And I had so much fun that I'm going to play more games that way, too.

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True story: My World of WarCraft account got hacked, my shit stolen/sold and my character transferred off my account. The rest of this narrative is fiction (mostly). Still, it's a sort-of followup to last week's "Little Brother, Big Brother" which is something we don't do all that often.

A while ago, we intended to cover 'Splosion Man. In fact, one of our earlier episodes even has it in the title. *ahem* Oops! That was actually my fault. I put together the final show file that week and simply didn't cut n' paste properly. It feels kinda like Michael Bolton's mistake in Office Space; just another one of those "mundane details." The developer was extremely kind, however, and not only worked to get us an actual build of the game, but gave us a never-before-seen level to capture footage of! Jason and JayFresh have been loving their brief interludes into the 'Splosion Man universe and we think you'll be as into the game as we are once you've watched this segment.

It's an oldie, but since it came out wa-hay before we launched CO-OP, it made sense to give Critter Crunch for the iPhone some love. It's been in the modern gaming news recently thanks to the announcement of a PSN version, and I wanted to give it a showing since it's still in my iPhone game rotation nearly a year later after release. As one of the iPhone's first big games, it still holds up extremely well and is something you'll probably want in your library. Watch the show after the break.

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Mario mushrooms sound delicious, but we wish someone would hide a delicious turkey leg in a trash can for us. This guy knows what we're talking about.

Cultural Blips:

• This is super: Make your own Mario mushrooms. Nerd-food pro Anna The Red teaches us how to make the iconic height-enhancing mushrooms from Super Mario Bros. via a radish and some seaweed. Hmm, wonder if these are FDA-approved... [Offworld]

• Stop the presses: Carmen Sandiego found. Yep, there she is. Waldo would be ashamed. [Geekologie]

• Mario hydrant is a nerd firefighter's wet dream. Looks like Mario is eagerly anticipating a hose, too. What a perv. [Level One Boss]

• Zelda in 3-D still surprisingly flat. But here's what it would look like if you drank a red and blue potion at the same time. [Offworld]

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Some of the Bitmob crew got together last week for a little hands-on time with The Beatles: Rock Band. That coverage was embargoed until today, but we're now able to share this important news with the world: Shoe and I are most likely the next Lennon and McCartney.

Neither Demian and his hot red pants, nor Shoe's girlfriend Raychul could focus on the simple task of playing their instruments while Shoe and I harmonized during "I Wanna Be Your Man" and "Yellow Submarine." It was truly magical, if I do say so myself.

OK, most of that previous text is a lie. What is true; however, is that The Beatles: Rock Band is a lot of fun. Beatlemaniacs in particular will enjoy the small touches that Harmonix has put into the game just for fans of the Fab Four. The outfits, locations, facial expressions, instruments -- everything is just as it was when the Beatles ruled the airwaves in the 1960's. Just how accurate is the game? We've paired screenshots from TB:RB with their real-life counterparts (or as close as we could find) to let you decide for yourself.

The Cavern Club in Liverpool

Tons more after the jump:

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Considering Midway didn't put Michael Jordan in NBA Jam, we're really not surprised to hear a Mortal Kombat-themed court also got put on the bench.

News Blips:

• Doom-shakalaka: Mortal Kombat NBA Jam court literally on fire. It's a beaut, ain't it? Well, the NBA didn't think so -- turned out this Mortal Kombat-themed basketball court for one of the home console ports of NBA Jam didn't get approved for some odd reason. Was it the spine backboard? Or maybe it was the flesh head turned into a makeshift ball? Nah, it's probably because it had no cheerleaders. Yeah, that's probably it. [1UP]

• Control limited-edition Street Fighter ass-kickings at Comic-Con. Peripheral-maker Mad Catz has announced it will be selling exclusive limited-edition Street Fighter 4-branded FightPads and FightSticks at Comic-Con this week. Act now, while supplies last. Or just go to eBay. [Joystiq]

• DAHHHHH! Translation: New Rabbid game coming to the DS. Ubisoft announced today Rabbids Go Home is coming to the DS this holiday. In the game you play as Rabbids. But we bet you inferred that by the title, smarty pants. [Kotaku]

• Preview Xbox Live update before it goes live officially. Xbox Live spokesperson Major Nelson announced on his website today that 360 owners can sign up for a chance to check out the next Xbox Live update before it goes up for real. We expect a full daily report if any of you get in. And a commission check sent in the mail (priority, please!). [GameSpot]

Hit the jump for some video blips, including Carlos Santana in Guitar Hero 5, Drug Wars minus the Pepto, a royal Nintendo 64 case mod, and...more.

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