Pirates are all the rage among kids these days. This fad can be traced to the video game series Tales of Monkey Island.

TMI, as it's called by adoring fans, is the story of the romance between Guybrush Threepwood, a chaste swashbuckler living in a gloomy town in the Pacific Northwest, and a beautiful young landlubber named Elaine.

Following the runaway success of Launch of the Screaming Narwhal, the first chapter of TMI, admirers began to imitate their hero. Novelty shops nationwide reported stock shortages as wannabe Guybrushes hoarded pyrite parrots, rubber chickens, and other seemingly useless items -- anything that could potentially be used to solve a puzzle. Parents, long-resigned to sullen, monosyllabic teenagers, were suddenly bombarded with question after question as their burgeoning buccaneers attempted to exhaust all possible conversation options for clues. And who can forget the massive insult swordfighting tournament held at this year's Comic-Con?

Now, with the release of the second chapter in the TMI series, The Siege of Spinner Cay, pirate popularity has reached a fever pitch. In order to prepare potential plunderers for the experience, I've created a couple of simple real-life puzzles to be solved in the classic adventure game stye. Enjoy!

Tip: When tackling these problems, ask yourself, "What would Guybrush do?" If your answer involves common sense, you're probably doing it wrong.

Puzzle #1: Quenching Your Thirst

Problem: It's a hot day and you're parched. You enter the kitchen to get something to drink. It's your typical American kitchen: sink, cupboards, stove, refrigerator covered with souvenir magnets. One of the cupboard doors is slightly ajar, and the sink is filled with water being used to thaw a chicken. In your pockets are 53 cents in change, a yo-yo, a piggy bank in the shape of Garfield, a fishing pole, and the German-language edition of Karl Marx's Das Kapital. How do you quench your thirst?

Solution: First examine the sink to remove the thawing chicken. Put this in your pocket. Then examine the opened cupboard door to reveal a plastic cup decorated with clowns. Take the clown cup. Now combine the fishing pole with the yo-yo, and put the loose change in the Garfield piggy bank. Tie the now-full piggy bank to the yo-yo fishing pole and slowly lower it in front of the refrigerator. The change inside the Garfield piggy bank should stick to the magnets, allowing you to open the refrigerator by reeling the line in. Inside the refrigerator is a fizzy soda pop. Examine the soda pop to open it, then combine it with the clown cup to enjoy a refreshing beverage and bask in your victory!

Bonus Puzzle #1A: Silencing Your Critics

Problem: Your roommate walks in on you as you are attempting to obtain a drink and asks you what the hell you're doing.

Solution: Read to him from Das Kapital until he goes away.

Puzzle #2: Writing Your Article

Problem: You play through Tales of Monkey Island: The Siege of Spinner Cay on the Wii and plan to write an article about it. It's full of hilariously bad puns and witty retorts, but like the other Monkey Island games, it's firmly rooted in the adventure game genre. This means it's both buoyed by the genre's strengths -- humor, a sense of accomplishment -- and weighted by its faults -- convoluted puzzles, restrictive logic. While an enjoyable game, The Siege of Spinner Cay adds nothing new to the formula, which makes writing the article difficult for you. In your apartment are a set of Rock Band drums, a cable-ready television, a bed, an iMac, and the kitchen. How do you write your article?

Solution: First examine the Rock Band drums to play a classic rock set and clear your mind. Then move to the bed and lie in it in order to create the optimal thinking environment. Following your power nap, head to the kitchen for a refreshing beverage (to get your drink, see Puzzle #1). Combine your beverage with the television for a half hour of watching football. Now wander from room to room, examining every last object in your apartment. Comment on each thing you look at -- making sure to work in as many groan-inducing jokes as possible. After you've examined everything, head back to the bedroom. Turn on the iMac and you should now be able to write your story, a lighthearted poke at the ridiculousness of the puzzles in adventure games. Success!

Bonus Puzzle #2A: Silencing Your Critics (Again)

Problem: Your girlfriend walks in on you as you are watching football and asks you why you're not writing, because that was your excuse for not accompanying her to the mall.

Solution: Read to her from Das Kapital until she goes away.