Editor's Note: Had enough Muscle March yet? If yes, keep reading anyway -- Kris is using the bodybuilders-in-hot-pursuit game as a jumping-off point for something bigger. And if Kris's name seems familiar, you may have seen his work on 1UP and GreenPixels. -Demian

As the screaming maniac Marcus Wright from Terminator Salvation recently taught us, the difference between man and machine is the power of the human heart.

OK, there are a few other differences between man and machine, like man can't make photocopies and machines can't ride unicycles while juggling (yet?), but the heart is probably the most important. Because while a day may come when every baseball team has been replaced by soulless mechano overlords, we can find comfort in knowing machines will need to keep us alive for at least one reason: No artificial intelligence could ever be human enough to think of something as blisteringly deranged as Muscle March.

How does this game play? Is it even fun? I don't know, and I don't care. Watching YouTube videos of this lunacy is reason enough for it to exist. There's a lot about the human species that makes me less than a fan (see: callous destruction of the environment, insatiable greed, macaroni and cheese pizza), but when something like Muscle March comes around, it warms my heart. Show me the man whose mind was damaged enough to create a game where bodybuilders strike the correct poses to fit through holes busted in walls by other bodybuilders, and I will show you the cockeyed genius that makes humanity the great miracle of known creation.

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Bayonetta Director Hideki Kamiya is all about stylish action. Not only is he responsible for the fast and flashy Devil May Cry series, but he's also working on a game starring a gun-toting witch who sports pistols on shoes -- fierce! Yeah, it's obvious he can make ass-kickings look fabulous, but will he look pretty after we hit him up with our five random questions? Let's find out.

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While most game industry people were tweeting about getting ready for E3, being ready for E3, or general excitement regarding E3, a few took the time to talk about something else (click 'Read more' to see them all):

Fez designer Phil Fish says what we're all thinking about the name of the latest PixelJunk game.

Dead Space Art Director Ian Milham acts like his cube isn't normally adorned with male blow-up dolls.

EatSleepPlay's David Jaffe puts out a call for change to the emoticon world. Current emoticon technology does not meet his needs. :/

Ubisoft's Clint Hocking kicks back, debugs game with his mind on Memorial Day.

Microsoft's Major Nelson updates his 36,869 followers on late-breaking lunch plan developments.

Ex-EGM editor and current Games Producer for Adult Swim Chris Johnston unleashes the beast on Prince of Persia.

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But now, with a newly refurbished laptop with some actual power, I decided to get back into PC gaming.

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We're still getting used to this transition from being at a big, established media outlet (EGM, 1UP) to working in new-kid-on-the-block, start-up territory. For example, we won't be in consideration for any cover-story-worthy exclusives anytime soon. Game Informer, GamePro, PC Gamer, and the official magazines from Future will be taking care of those just fine.

We still seem to be on most party lists, however. And even though we're not a part of this (and despite our livers' opposing votes), we're ready to make the call now for "Best E3 Party Invite" (winner: Access Communications, PR firm for Sega, Disney Interactive Studios, and 2K):

Details blacked out, of course, because not everyone with a web browser was invited, sorry.

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Yeah, we know -- this Kojima Productions teaser business is getting a little ridiculous. Don't worry -- this will all be over next week. Or will it? Oh, god...

News Blips:

• Yawn: Kojma Productions teaser still teasing. Yep, that damn cryptic site from the Metal Gear makers is still displaying random crap for you to ponder over. Today, however, it showed off something very interesting: the face of Solid Snake's pops Big Boss. Oh my god! What does this mean? Here, let us tell you: It obviously means the new game will feature bosses who are big. Duh! Do we have to figure out everything out for you? Answer: yes. [1UP]

• High Voltage stick yet another game in Wii socket; parents concerned for their safety/intelligence. Yesterday, we told you The Conduit developers are making the bloody, Roman-inspired fighter Gladiator A.D. for the Wii. Well, today they announced another Wii game, this one being a 4-player online co-op shooter entitled The Grinder. In the game, you fight hordes and hordes of undead things. Not zombies, though! Oh, no. Instead, you'll be taking a right turn and blowing the brains out of vampires and werewolves. Hmm, wonder why they didn't just call it "Right 4 Dead." [IGN]

• Oh, snap: African photo-shooting simulator finally showing up in America. The long-forgotten PS3 safari photography game Afrika is coming to the States thanks to niche publisher Natsume. Hopefully the elephants will clean up their mess before we breakout our fancy dancy telephoto lens. [IGN via 1UP]

• Disney Interactive scratch booty, out comes Pirates of the Caribbean: Armada of the Damned. Propaganda games, the folks behind the recent Turok reboot, are developing a new action role-playing game based on the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks. We hope this game has good ARRmor! Seriously, that wasn't an ARRbitrary pirate joke. Uh, and neither was that one. Ahem. [IGN]

Hit the jump for some video blips, including a revealing Dark Void trailer, nightmare-inducing Super Mario figures, a retro 360 controller mod, and...more.

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A few thoughts on E3, Rockstar's latest, and Punch-Out!! as I browse Bitmob while prepping a bigger story for tomorrow:

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Our latest crop of stuff-you-shouldn't-miss by Bitmob members includes more arcade memories, a made-up interview with Funky Kong, and a wrap up of FanimeCon 2009, AKA Any Excuse to Show Cleavage 2009 (hit 'Read more' below for the full line-up).

Keep Your Head Up -- The Weird and Wonderful UmJammer Lammy
Benjamin Torrey takes a look back at one of the first music games, UmJammer Lammy. Along with a relentlessly surreal story, UmJammer Lammy also gave players more creative control over the actual music making than current kings of the genre, Rockband and Guitar Hero.

Arcades: A Youth Well Wasted
Arcade nostalgia runs deep and true for many Bitmob writers. Lee Bradley recounts his formative arcade years in A Youth Well Wasted, as does Brett Bates in Coin-Operated Memories. Meanwhile, Eric R. Cummings isn't going gently into that smoke-filled and dimly-lit goodnight; he's keeping the dream alive with an upcoming trip to Funspot XI. Possible Donkey Kong kill screen coming up!

Bitmob Community Podcast Update
The planning continues, spearheaded by Derek Lavigne, Trevor Hinkle, and Brett Bates -- now's the time to contribute ideas and segments!

Behind the Videogames: Funky Kong
Andrew Hiscock's satirical interview with Funky Kong has some good moments ("...in focus tests, children found him to be obnoxious, trying too hard, and simply too Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle"), but maybe spends a little too much time dwelling on Funky's supposed lifestyle choices....

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In other FAB-u-LOUS news, the Internet has uncovered more gameplay footage of Wiiware title Muscle March, the highly-anticipated (by me and maybe a couple other people) game about bodybuilders desperate to recover their jar of stolen steroids. I mean vitamin supplements. I mean amyl nitrate. Whatever, who knows what's in that magical jar? Just tackle that guy!

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Betcha didn't know we were giving away a couple of pint-sized games, did ya? That's because you didn't read this massive thing.

So the winner of my copy of Rhythm Heaven (thanks to a random number generator): Brett Bates. And the winner of my Burn, Zombie Burn download code: Anthony Galindo. I'll contact you guys via email!

Speaking of contests, check out this beaut of a custom-designed PC that Destructoid's giving away. Go win it, now!

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Rockstar just announced The Ballad of Gay Tony, a new downloadable episode for Grand Theft Auto 4. The official press release is copied below if you're interested in such things, but I gotta say...this logo is FAB-u-LOUS!

I'm quite impressed that Rockstar doesn't shy away from potentially controversial subject matters. When the country was in tizzy over the violence in GTA, out comes Manhunt, a much, much more brutal game. I even complimented Rockstar for this in my EGM review of Manhunt at the time, although some readers and my fellow reviewers didn't agree, calling it more a desperate plea for attention and sales.

But trust me. The heat that politicians, Jack Thompsons, and middle America can put on, Rockstar doesn't want...especially when legal costs are involved. So with The Ballad of Gay Tony (and its FAB-u-LOUS! logo), I'm still glad the publisher is willing to go where other games and Miss California dare not.

It's just too bad some things are out of Rockstar's control. They got screwed bad when the original Manhunt 2 was slapped with a retail-killing Adults-Only ESRB rating.

Here's more info on Gay Tony's adventures via the press release:

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Well, we all knew the new Tony Hawk doohickey would be expensive, so we're not really surprised. We're still holding off for a peripheral-based rollerblading game, though.

News Blips:

• Wheel-less plastic skateboard costs more than real, wheeled skateboard. Online videogame shop GameStop is saying the upcoming peripheral-packed Tony Hawk Ride will cost a whopping 120 bones. Think that's a lot? Imagine if that thing had wheels. [Kotaku]

• David Jaffe declines four-way offer with Electronic, Entertainment, and Expo. The outspoken God of War director officially confirmed via a video blog that he will not be showing off his not-so-mysterious new game (rumored to be a new PS3 Twisted Metal) at next week's E3 trade show. Performance anxiety, maybe? [VG247]

• High Voltage stick another game in Wii socket. The developers behind upcoming Wii shooter The Conduit announced they're making Roman-inspired fighter Gladiator A.D. for the Wii as well. Nice to see a developer giving the Wii some hardcore love. [IGN]

• New PixelJunk game is a shooter, officially. Well, the name of the game is at least. Developer Q-Games announced its new PSN game will be entitled PixelJunk Shooter. Sadly, you don't play as a gun. Or a one to four-ounce alcoholic beverage. [Joystiq]

Hit the jump for some video blips, including some Diablo 3 demons, drunk anime chicks, and...more.

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Editor's note: I'm one of those people who doesn't quite 'get' Noby Noby Boy, having played it for an hour and then so far never again, but Benjamin makes a strong case for this game about chefs with dinosaur heads. I might need to give it another chance. -Demian

"You know what game is really great?"

"No, what?"

"Noby Noby Boy."

"Huh?"

"Noh-bee noh-bee boy."

"Never heard of it."

"Oh, it's fantastic. Just this morning I was on the moon and I wrapped my Boy around the play area nearly four times. Then I decided to create a hybrid race of elephant-human sumo wrestlers. That kind of got boring after a while, though. Ultimately, I ended up eating a bunch of houses and pooping them out."

"...wait, what?"

The secret best part about Namco Bandai's Noby Noby Boy is getting to see the reactions of friends and acquaintances after you tell them that a game exists in which you can eat several houses and poop them out. Often when I describe such a feat, I'm asked to clarify as if I had been misheard. Some react with laughter, some with disgust, some with intrigue. Sometimes it's sort of a mix of all three. In a few cases, my stories were met with total disbelief. "Come on. This isn't a real game."

Ladies and gentlemen, Noby Noby Boy does exist, and I am not lying to you when I say that it is possible to eat an entire helicopter only to poop it out a moment later with such force that it knocks over a windmill.

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We all know that E3 is the most anticipated event of the year for the world of videogames, and those of us at Area 5 are going to do everything we can to bring you with us! Next week, CO-OP will have three recorded/edited shows and three LIVE shows! Check out the full schedule for both us and the Totally Rad Show guys at http://revision3.com/e3.

We take a bit of a breather at The Napper Tandy again (the local, Irish beer-me-and-food-me), this week, and talk with G4's Patrick Klepek about what we're most excited to see at E3 next week. The big three, Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo are on everybody's lips and we're all planning to Sam Fisher our way into their events, but for us it's all about the games we already know will have a showing. Follow our predictions and then share with us on our blog or here at Bitmob what you're most excited about!

Patrick was also kind enough to hang around after our E3 chat and talk with Matt about the enigmatically difficult Patapon 2. They both agree that it may be too much for the typical adult life to handle, but it's got some real genius.

It's not every day you get to have a conversation with 1UP's David Ellis and Scott Sharkey on our balcony. They do us a solid and come by to share the love over Nintendo's latest nostalgic rehash: Punch Out!!. Will there ever come a time when our childhood gaming memories will be insufficient cause to make us open our wallets? May that day never come. Watch or download the show after the jump!

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I touched on this lightly in my debut Bitmob post, but with retro remakes and reboots all the rage these days, I felt a certain subject needed to be addressed in its own blog entry. It's something pretty much every older gamer experiences, but we tend to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. But it's OK -- we shouldn't deny this virility-robbing condition. So let's talk about...the terrifying curse of old-man hands.

First, let's give credit where it's due. I first heard the term bandied about by Bitmob overlord Dan "Shoe" Hsu back in his EGM editor-in-chief days. Every time Shoe reviewed...well, pretty much every game that required quick-twitch muscle fibers and wasn't Mario Party, he'd blame his underachieving performances on his "old-man hands." The implication was clear: "I could kick your ass, young intern Brooksie, if only I were 10 years younger." As a thirtysomething gamer (but, just to clarify, still several years younger than Old Man Shoe!), those feelings resonate with me: I definitely feel like I've "lost a step," and the condition only worsens with each passing year.

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Today isn't just about remembering the brave men and women who fought for our country. We must also remember the courageous soldiers who fought for our free time. So please pause your game for these Memorial Day Heroes, beginning with Halo's smack-talking Sergeant:

Avery Junior Johnson

2472-2552

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Ah, Memorial Day weekend, the kickoff to those sweet summer hours and a time when tentpole action films rule. True to form, I saw Terminator: Salvation on Saturday...but that doesn't mean I should play the game, at least according to the Metacritic breakdown.

And that got me thinking. Action games seem like such a natural match for these testosterone-filled flicks, yet celebrated conversions are the exception. In the end, I'd rather play Gears of War 2 than Terminator: Salvation, God of War 2 instead of Wolverine. So why don't these publishers try something different and leave the action to the pros? Instead, to tap in on some of that sweet Hollywood scrilla, they need to go in a new direction with a totally different genre: romantic comedies.

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And we're back! Technical difficulties prevented Mobcast #2 from ever getting off the ground, but we're back in force with this latest episode, in which a hat plays a pivotal role in this week's proceedings. (Oh, and below the break is our final segment breakdown, which will make sense after you listen to the show...so do it already!)

Bitmob.com - Mobcast #3: The Mobcast is back, with style to spare. This week, old friends Jennifer Tsao and television's Seanbaby of the Internet join Dan Hsu, Robert Ashley, and Greg Ford as they talk five new topics: Plastic instruments, E3, PS1 gems, gaming memories, and MadLibs starring Miyamoto. Enjoy. And digg it if you're so moved!

Zune Link (must use Internet Explorer)

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Billboards are quickly becoming the best source for news. Especially ones strategically placed near big videogame conventions happening next week.

News Blips:

• Finally play Final Fantasy 13...in 2010. What, you thought it'd actually come out this year? Stop OD'ing on potions, buddy. But we can say that we'll undoubtedly get to play Square Enix's latest role-playing game next year thanks to the words "Coming 2010" written on the game's huge billboard going up for next week's Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) trade show. As for when we'll actually play Versus 13? We asked the billboard for any clues, but it didn't say anything. Because it's paper. [Square Enix Members]

• Bored bees attack NYC GameStop for fun, staff not amused. Don't you hate when this happens? During the weekend, a hive of angry bees attacked a New York City GameStop for a few hours, leaving the employees no choice but to hide in the store while onlookers wondered, "Where da honey at?" Eventually the bees were whisked away, but the honey is still left to be found. Hell, even this guy can't find it. [Joystiq]

• 4.4 million people invite evil into their homes; church loses faith. Capcom revealed that its latest zombie-game-that-doesn't-really-feature-zombies, Resident Evil 5, has sold over 4.4 million copies worldwide. Strangely, it's not selling too well in Africa. Hmm, wonder why? [Kotaku]

• Metroid Prime: Buy one, get two free. Nintendo, forgetting that a big videogame show is next week, announced that it is releasing all three Metroid Prime games on one convenient Wii disc. Better yet, the two GameCube 'Primes now have added Wii Remote controls. Pick up this three-pack in August for 50 bones. [GameSpot]

Hit the jump for some video blips, including, yep, another Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 trailer, a Bionic ass-touching, real life Katamari ball, and...more.

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Editor's Note: Fun topic here. You know, the original Bionic Commando is indeed a tough game, but that didn't dissuade me from playing it back in the day -- I just assumed all Nintendo games were supposed to be that hard or have a steep learning curve. But man, once you get the hang of those controls.... -Greg

When I first played Bionic Commando (the original), I absolutely hated the game. It was not intuitive; rather, it was obtrusive and offensive. Mario can jump and he's a fat, mustachioed, pasta-eating plumber, yet I'm supposed to be some sort of special commando with a bionic arm but can't freakin' lift my own body weight off the ground? I decided to go ahead and swing on past this one.

Fast-forward to Bionic Commando: Rearmed.

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