Trying to keep up with all of the downloadable games and content that's out there these days is enough to make a person cry. But cry no more, because Download Lowdown is here to help. Each week I'll sift through the good, the bad, and the weird to help you get the most from your game system of choice without leaving your house. Plus, if you read now I'll also toss in some choice (usually less-than-helpful) quotes from folks around the Internet at absolutely no extra charge! This week I swing and miss with Real Tennis 2009, save the world with Sam & Max, go old school with Solid Snake, throw paper, and take control of a samurai toaster.
Real Tennis 2009
Systems: iPhone
Price: $4.99
The Lowdown: Real Tennis 2009 looks nice and has several different stadiums and players. It's too bad the controls are terrible. Using the onscreen D-pad to make quick, precise changes in direction simply doesn't work; it's too easy to either move your thumb too far or too little. That means you're going to watch lots of shots go by just out of reach because you either ran right past the ball or never moved at all. It's also lame that you have to tilt the phone to determine your serve's location. Sure, the developer can say that their game uses tilt controls, but they do nothing but make a poor-controlling game even more difficult.
What the App Store reviews say:
BSCMOD pulls no punches: "For the money there are a lot better games to download. The controls stink and the gameplay is very rough."
Aknut loves this game and gave it four stars. But he also hates it too. He still loves it though: "This is a good game, but I don't like the way you move and I hate how your person will sometimes wait for the ball and then dive for it I also don't like..."
Coloursound thinks the game is fine, but that's not what he's here for: "To the Jerk who gave the game 1 star... I looked at your ratings and they are all one star. I hate people like you --never giving credit when people do a good job, just throwing a stink when the chips are down..."
Sam & Max Save the World
System: Xbox 360
Price: 1600 points ($20) for the entire six-episode season
The Lowdown: If you're broke like me you're probably looking to get the most out of your limited gaming budget. Might I humbly suggest that you hit up Live Arcade, where you can now get the entire six-episode season of Sam & Max Save the World for just $20. Added widescreen and Achievement support probably aren't enough of a reason for owners of the PC version to purchase it again, but if you haven't yet experienced this humorous point-and-click adventure, you'd do well to give it a shot.
What GameSpot users say:
Hleflore got fired from the Obama campaign for suggesting he abandon the "Yes we can" slogan for: "Sam and Max are good for America."
Magicalclick surprises us all by making the effort to type a comment: "I am actually waiting it on XBLA since I am too lazy to install. Not only that, I am too lazy to make another account for downloading games. I prefer everything stays on my XBL account, easier for me to manage by lazy me."
Mjk_1 is either really interested in Sam & Max or has some sort of facial-musculature issue that needs attention: "my brow is raised."
Metal Gear Solid
Systems: PS3, PSP
Price: $9.99
The Lowdown: Metal Gear Solid was a great game for the original PlayStation and it's now available for the PS3 and PSP via the PlayStation Store. It's still an enjoyable game, but if your first time with the series was on the PS2 or PS3, you're probably going to have a difficult time adjusting to the dated graphics and less-refined controls. If that's the case and you own a Wii, you might want to pick up MGS: The Twin Snakes for the GameCube. It's a remake of MGS with enhanced controls and modernized visuals. You could also buy the original game, a Dreamcast, and the MGS Bleemcast disc and enjoy slightly improved graphics. You know, if you like doing things the hard way.
What GameFaqs says:
Arachnidd gets his first taste of Hideo Kojima's "amazing" storytelling: "...This disgusting story takes forever, with the obscene amount of useless references.... What's with all the existentialist crap? People are dying and all you get is a 10 minute cutscene about the meaning of love."
Mustafa3105 is the first "Metal Gear games have great stories!" apologist to start damage control: "You have a problem with the story? obviously MGS or its sequels aren't for you... really, maybe Pokémon or some random shoot them up are the games for you.... good luck."
Nathan2486 might be the only person on the planet to never be even slightly confused by a Metal Gear game's story: "The story can not be matched. It is absolutely flawless. As long as you pay close enough attention, there is not a single thing that is confusing. And for a plot like this to not have one thing left out is truly extraordinary."
Paper Toss
System: iPhone
Price: Free
The Lowdown: The hardest part about being "downsized" last December wasn't that I no longer had an awesome job or wouldn't be getting a paycheck anymore. I wasn't worried at all about how I would continue to pay rent in one of the most expensive cities in the country. Nope, the only thing on my mind was that I would no longer be able to throw paper into my office trash can for amusement. You can imagine my excitement when I found out that not only could I virtually throw paper on my iPhone, but also that the game that would allow me to do so was "So realistic, you will think you are stuck in an office killing time." WOW!!! YAY!!!
Everything in the previous paragraph except the quote from the developer was a lie. I don't know what's more horrifying -- that I wasted 60 seconds of my life playing Paper Toss, or that it's currently the No. 1 free app in the App Store and people actually seem to enjoy it.
What App Store reviews say:
Jbear98 clearly has the most boring job in history: "This games is soooo addicting!! I played it at work and one of my coworkers almost took it away!!"
Ivan17stone is saving the planet, one stupid app at a time: "Love it, its Environment friendly, u don't have to use real world papers to have lots of fun!!!!"
Shgfidgjdjodkjgkgf went there: "screw dis app yo mama is fat."
Eduardo the Samurai Toaster
System: Wii (WiiWare)
Price: 800 Wii points ($8)
The Lowdown: Eduardo the Samurai Toaster is the latest indie game with quirky characters and unique visuals. It's too bad that Eduardo's gameplay can't match its style. The game is too easy and quickly becomes repetitive, which is saying something considering that it can be beaten in less than two hours. Offline co-op for 2 to 4 players might spice up the action a bit, but due to a lack of friends I wasn't able to try it out. If you're still curious, watch the trailer here, but keep in mind that you're seeing the best of what Eduardo the Samurai Toaster has to offer.
What GameFaqs says:
Starman49843 doesn't finish his risqué thought and totally leaves us hanging. WHAT COULD IT HAVE BEEN?!: "I applaud their effort, but it just left me feeling unfulfilled. Maybe this is what it feels like to be... (I'm pretty sure that finishing that sentence would violate the TOS. Oh well, you can still guess.)"
Razr07 thinks World of Goo is where it's at: "I found Eduardo to be very short and tediuos. All you basically do is hold down right on the D-pad and pound the A button. World of Goo is fantastic. The puzzles are always original and it lasts much longer than Eduardo."
Thunderhorse55 thinks that this week's Download Lowdown has been short on idiotic comments and offers to help me out: "BBBBOOOOO WIIWARE/DSIWARE WHY DO YOU SUCK SO BAD???!!!!"
That's it for this week's Download Lowdown. This column is still a work in progress, so if you have any ideas, criticism, or praise, post it in the comments below. See you next week!
