More Bad Game Ads from 1994

Editor's note: When I submitted my wedding/honeymoon plans, Demian said that there was no way he could go two weeks without an Aaron Thomas article. He said he'd cry like a baby the whole time I was gone. I wrote this piece just so the Bitmob community wouldn't have to deal with a sulking Demian. You're welcome. - Aaron

In honor of the terrible tradition that is Black Friday, I thought it would be fun to take a look at another old tradition: terrible game ads. I highlighted some pitiful examples a few months ago, but this time around I think the results are even worse.

Oh yes, worse. Enjoy!

Rayman

Game ads without the name of the game are a fantastic idea!

Superman

Anybody have five minutes to make an ad for our game? No experience required.

Bubba 'N' Stix

Stop and think what your life would be like if you worked on a game like this.

Brutal: Paws of Fury

You know, it's kind of tough to make fun of something this horrific.

Fighter Stick SK

It's true -- you should never loan your arcade stick to an alligator.

WWF: Rage in the Cage

This is for Michael Donahoe. It isn't a bad ad, but it's always fun to look at old wrestlers.

Sunset Riders

Har har har! A fart joke! Beans! Farts! Get it?!

Lester: The Unlikely

How did these people not sue J.K. Rowling over Harry Potter?

Sega TruVideo

Ah yes, nothing like an ad that gets kids thinking it's fun to stick things into wall sockets...

Rocky Rodent

This ad still makes me want to punch somebody.

Spike McFang

There's no way this game could have been that good, right? I mean, his name is Spike McFang!

Barkley: Shut Up and Jam!

I'm scared to make fun of Charles Barkley. This is a great ad!

(23)

Alejandro Quan-Madrid

November 26, 2009

Is that Ray ad from 1994? I seem to remember it for the N64 Rayman.

Kyle Wrobel

I remember the Ray ad.

I would actually suspect that Superman ad took a while to make. I could see someone spending hours deciding which "S" symbols to add color to, in artsy terms finding the best composition. (this was a serious statement).

Ryan Conway

My brother had Rage in The Cage. That is a great game. The comments under Rayman, Bubba N Sticks and Paws of Fury couldn't be more true.

Omri Petitte

That Sunset Riders ad is terrific. As in, the biggest facepalm ever terrific.

@Kyle, for sure about the Superman ad. Then again, they could have also just closed their eyes and pointed randomly at the page.

Tyler Thomas Moen

I would agree with everything on here except the Superman ad. It is really quite tasteful. The Brutal ad actually has some nice illustration work, but the ad is put together terribly.

Jason Wilson

I'm a rootin'-tooin' editor. Without the rootin'.

Alejandro Moreno

The Superman ad is not that bad, but what little text it has is pretty meaningless and difficult to pick up.

And Spike McFang was a pretty good game!

Alex Gagne

I remember when I was a fair bit younger picking up the case for Lester the Unlikely and realizing that I could not picture a less appealing looking game. Maybe the marketing department thought that it would appeal to the sad, sad people playing their games whose only heroes were the main characters from Revenge of the Nerds. I have no idea, but why didn't they just make an Earnest Evans knockoff instead of a played out geek character in a hoodie? The game itself is a poorly controlling meticulous platformer in the style of Flashback or Prince of Persia, just without the quality. Needless to say, I didn't miss much!

David Matos

HAHA, I remember that terrible Ray ad from Nintendo Power all those years ago.....

Raymond Fernandes

I'm fairly sure that the Ray ad is not from 1994. For one thing, I don't think the original Rayman game came out till 1995. Second, the box is clearly trying to mock an N64 box. That system wasn't anywhere near release in 1994. Thirdly, it has a very prominent web address in the corner. I don't know of many game ads that did that in 1994.

November 27, 2009

Well, it's an ad for Rayman 2. I am pretty sure that by the time Rayman 2 was ported to the 64 the marketing department assumed most gamers had recognized the overly dramatic Rayman font.

Normal1s

Pork & Beans??? When the hell would that EVER be the selling point of anything video game related?

Jasmine Maleficent Rea

Poor Sega CD.... Almost all ads for the console and games descended into "this is so edgy man" nonsense.

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Bryan Harper

November 28, 2009

Oh my god! The coveted prequel to SHUT UP AND JAM GAIDEN! Ebay, here I come~

Nick Giunta

"Or how your shoes hurt.."
Was Charles playing against girls?

Dan "Shoe" Hsu

How come Ubisoft didn't keep up www.rayrules.com? They could've gotten a few hundred clicks from this article! Maybe.

Daniel Feit

Are game ads any better now? I don't have access to any English language game mags anymore.

Travis McReynolds

Brutal: Paws of Fury looks like the Island of Dr. Moreau with like double the abs. Maybe triple.
Also, the kid with the crazy hair looks like a young Jason Seigel.

Tom Heistuman

I remember most of these but from comic books. if that's a sad fact, oh well. I was only 11.

Andrei Rossinski

Spike McFang "Editor's Choice-Gold" EGM nice.

Christopher Calla

November 29, 2009

WOW, Spike McFang...what a blast from the past! Not only do I remember loving this game, but I believe my 10 year old self created some serious fan art depicting the beloved vampire.

Timothy Nellett

December 02, 2009

Is this supposed to be ads for terrible games, or bad advertisements? Either way, both are displayed.