I’m a terrible liar. I don’t do it often, but when I do, the lies are full of holes. I’ve learned to live without telling any...well, mostly.

When I was still in elementary school, some of my classmates were talking about Mortal Kombat 2. I had played the original and had some knowledge of its sequel, but I had never actually played the second game. To this day, I don’t know what compelled me to say this, but I declared to that small group that I had made it to the end of that fighter.

One of the children challenged my claim: "Who’s the last boss, then?"

I stood frozen but only for a moment. I needed to stay sharp. “I forget his name. I beat him so quickly.” I dug my hole.

"What’s he look like?" The kid wasn’t buying it.

I took a swing: "He wears a mask."

He looked at me; annoyance clearly marked his face. Kids are so easy to fool.

That was the day that I learned to be mindful of the lies I chose to tell. I decided that if I was going to tell an outright falsehood, I would have to know the details.

But for years, I’ve implied that I had, indeed, played and finished The Legend of Zelda.

"That game is so much more difficult than the new ones," I would say. "Levels 6 and 9! Am I right?"

"Oh, man," other gamers would gush. "I thought I was going to tear my head off in some of those rooms. Those blue dudes with the shields are the worst!"

"Totally," I would say confidently but silently ignorant.

Why would I lie? I honestly have no clue. I had played the game a few times. The most progress I had made was up to the boss in level 3. He’s a tough cookie.

See, the thing is that I’ve always maintained the fact that two series have turned me into a gamer: The Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time was a turning point in my nerd life. It was at that point that "games are fun" turned into "games are amazing!" I stood in awe at its presence. There were so many little secrets to be found and nuances to be mastered. So many dungeons to be explored and conquered. Ah, to experience it again for the first time would be a dream given form.

At the time, Ocarina of Time and A Link to the Past were the only Zelda games that I had under my belt, and yet, I was declaring the series as the best that video games had to offer. At that point, I was a closeted Nintendo fanboy, so I knew I would have to at least imply that I had played and finished the original for additional nerd-cred. And thus began the years of deceit.

It’s a silly thing to lie about. I mean, I’m actually a very open person. I wilfully divulge information about myself just to make a point. Sometimes embarrassing information. That’s just a part of me.

But then there are the lies. Fabrications that have no reason for existing. Fabrications like, "I’ve played the NES Legend of Zelda." Eventually the lie became such a part of me that it was my truth. That’s a sad, self-deceptive notion.

Well, whatever. As of this week, that fabrication no longer exists. I’ve extinguished that lie forever. You see, this week I finally beat that damned game. Better yet, in order to maintain as pure a Zelda experience as possible, I only allowed myself resources that would have been available to gamers in 1987.

Scans of the instruction booklet found on Zelda Shrine.
 

It was tough going in the beginning...and in the middle...and at the end...but I did it, damn it! I did it! Oh, bloody satisfaction!

The day my parents moved from a farm and into the big city was an unfortunately sweltering day. There was lots of lifting to and fro. The trips back and forth in the scorching truck didn't help. Packing and unloading...packing and unloading; it was a vicious cycle.

The sun just wouldn’t let up. I was sweating non-stop all day. By the time night came, I couldn’t lick my lips without tasting the salt of a hard day’s work. From 6:00 p.m. onward, all I could think about was the shower. This desire for a shower was unparalleled. I was fixated on the promise of those wonderful streams of water, pushing itself against a body that yearned for it.

Finally, at 12:00 midnight, the opportunity was finally there. I turned on the water, disrobed, and allowed the water to cascade over me for a solid 30 minutes. When I was finished, the bathroom was filled with a cleansing mist. Clean and refreshed, I opened the door. As I stepped out, I felt the cool outside air force its way through the doorway and onto my newly restored skin. It was euphoric. It was a sensation so satisfying that I obviously have yet to forget about it.

And that’s what finishing The Legend of Zelda felt like.

Seriously, though. Levels 6 and 9, am I right?