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Paging the nearest Jedi: Please mind trick me into believing developer BioWare's upcoming Star Wars massively multiplayer online role-playing game won't suck bantha balls. Because, honestly, without the magic wave of a midi-chlorian-infused hand, my desire to play Star Wars: The Old Republic is about as high as watching the late Bea Arthur belt out a cantina ditty on the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Seriously, though: This is coming from someone who absolutely adored both Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and its not-nearly-as-good, but still highly enjoyable sequel. So, logically, you'd think that if the developer of the original game, BioWare, is making The Old Republic, I'd hardly be able to contain my saber-igniting excitement? Correct. So what's wrong then? Oh, I'll tell you.

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OK, OK. We get it. E3 burned you all out. Ditto. We're only now recovering from the show, and we're still putting up stories through this week and into next -- capped off with Monday's Mobcast in which we get in some final thoughts.

But things are returning to normal and we're ready to get the Bitmob Mailbag train back on track. This week, we talk tough love, writer's block, unnecessary multiplayer, and more. If you have something you want us to talk about in the future, you can reach us at letters@bitmob.com.

Hey Bitmob,

I look at gaming now, and it's an industry full of tough love. There are so many developers out there besides the big names that pour their heart and souls into games, and then release dates or funding shortages result in a game that is often a complete failure. I hear it a million times. No one wants to make a bad game, but it happens...a lot. As a fan of games and a religious follower of the gaming industry, I keep myself as far away from it professionally as possible, and enjoy just writing and talking about it.

What motivates people to go into an industry so chaotic and unpredictable?

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Jennifer James reportedly lost 25 pounds while playing EA Sports Active. Bitmob community member Alex R. Cronk-Young has lost 16 pounds doing the same. Other reports claim weight loss of anywhere from two to ten pounds in a month, dropped dress sizes, and more active lifestyles.

Me? My typical evenings consist of shooting (Halo 3), collecting (Fallout 3, Wolverine), and/or de-zombifying (Plants vs. Zombies, Left 4 Dead) while sitting on the couch, so as far as my body and general well-being as they relate to gaming are concerned, uh...well...my hand-eye coordination seems to be holding pretty steady... (just fighting off old-man hands!).

But EA Sports would like to see more Jennifers and Alexes...not me's, so they're offering up a free copy of EA Sports Active to a Bitmob community member. Just tell us in the comments why you (or a friend or family member) could use it, and we'll pick out a winner in a week or so and send him or her a copy. Only people registered with real names and real email addresses are eligible.

Be sure to follow Alex's roller coaster weight-loss adventures if you need some motivation to do something more with your life other than shooting, collecting, and de-zombifying.

By the way, we did ask EA Sports to address some of the problems Alex has run into (solutions: make sure to jump on the inline skating ramps, not before, and the 90-day warranty is the only fix for any worn-out resistance bands). But they would like everyone to know that if you have any questions, feel free to contact PR/Community Rep Kathryn Peck directly at kpeck@ea.com or @active_girl via Twitter.

Update: Michael Burridge is our winner! Contest is over.

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The Geekbox returns after a week off for E3. As always, former 1UP/Computer Gaming World editor and current GameSpy editor Ryan Scott leads a motley crew on a voyage through geek culture, including comics, TV, movies, and games.

The Geekbox -- Episode 18 (2009-06-10)
Wherein we discuss the Burn Notice season premiere, Pixar’s Up, dog-training, sad movies, a Fitch non-Hitch, and E3 Expo 2009. E3 highlights include Star Wars: The Old Republic, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Muramasa: The Demon Blade, Splinter Cell: Conviction, Project Natal, Tales of Monkey Island, and Brutal Legend. Starring Ryan Scott, Karen Chu, Andrew Fitch, Greg Ford, and Ryan Higgins.
Running Time: 1h 23m 50s

Direct Download (right click save as)

RSS

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Editor's Note: We're still trying to figure out how Brainiac here had the time to dissect the Big 3 press conferences from E3 2009 like this. Andrew's thorough, final conclusions are below (click "Read more" for the full report). And if you missed them, don't miss his individual studies, too -- very interesting info in each of them. -Shoe

Nintendo press conference report
Microsoft press conference report
Sony press conference report

Click here to see the full size graph

First and foremost, you'll notice in the above graph that there are no "event landmarks." Due to the amount of landmarks across all press conferences, I've removed them from the graph, as it would be completely useless. If you would like to reference the landmarks in the above graph, please see the individual graphs below (click the image for full size):

Reaction to the Nintendo Conference

Reaction to the Sony Conference

Reaction to the Microsoft Conference

Abstract: After the totals of neogaf.com forum members' reactions for each one-minute interval were tallied and charted, we now have a basis on which to compare the reactions to each conference. We can also see patterns in the responses that can offer insight that will allow us to predict future responses to press conferences, or offer guidelines on how to develop press conferences that will impress NeoGAF, and perhaps by extension, hardcore gamers. If that's what you want to do (Nintendo probably doesn't, for one).

Comment Totals: "Who won E3," a consistent theme appearing in the threads studied, is beyond the scope of this informal study. Only the immediate reactions were tabulated, and plenty of discussion has occured in the week following the press conferences. But we can still take the sum total of comments for each press conference. The results are below:

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We're glad the developers at Crytek finally realized they can make more money by releasing their games on all platforms. Mostly because we can stop being jealous of PC gamers. You hear that, mouse-clickers? We're getting a slightly technically inferior version of your game. Booyah!

News Blips:

• No need to freak out: Crysis officially coming to consoles. Most snobby PC fans thought the eye-dazzling visuals of the first-person shooter series Crysis could never be replicated on consoles, but they underestimated one thing: money. Developer Crytek's CEO and President Cevat Yerli told GameSpot they're simultaneously releasing Crysis 2 on the 360, PS3, and PC so the people will, y'know, buy it. Wait, people buy console games? Official tally of things learned today: 1. [GameSpot]

• Cue Avril Lavigne: Valve asks why the PS3 has to go and make things so complicated. The developer of Half-Life 2 and Left 4 Dead recently stated they don't develop games for Sony's console because it's apparently too hard to program for. Also apparently too hard: Valve taking the time to read a programming manual. [1UP]

• Metroid: Other M tastes special, possibly the sauce. If you think developer Team Ninja's take on the classic Metroid series looks good, it's apparently because they're adding special flavor to the project, or says Nintendo President Reggie Fils-Aime. During his E3 chat with GameSpot, he was quoted as saying Team Ninja is "adding a little extra special sauce." Yes, we totally know what means. Wait, what? [GameSpot via Kotaku]

• King of Fighters movie stills fight with stupidity, lose. Big surprise: The first official movie shots for the upcoming King of Fighters flick look absolutely awful. Not that we expected anything less. So, if anything, our judgment wins. No need to quarter-up, folks -- we got this fight covered. [Kotaku]

Click the jump for some video blips, including the suburban warfare of Homefront, a flight simulator you'll never play, a working Super Nintendo PC, and...more.

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We here at Bitmob are incredibly proud to not present any awards for E3 2009. Believe you us, it took hours of contentious debate and consideration to reach that conclusion. For example, I was dead set on giving God of War 3 Best Action Game. Greg Ford thought it should go to Assassin's Creed 2. Eventually, we hugged and decided they could both share the award. Then we realized that was stupid, and so were awards in general. Then Michael Donahoe said but what about Bayonetta?

Anyway! Please enjoy the Bitmob E3 2009 Non-Award Awards, which, as discussed, are not awards. (Lots more after the 'Read more,' too.)

Most Disturbing New Term: "Wii-nis envy"
We can't take credit for this one. When talking about Sony's new motion-controller wands, Wedbush Morgan analyst Michael Pachter said on Bonus Round that Sony had Wii-nis envy. Thanks for the visuals, Pachter. Hopefully, we'll have forgotten about this by the time we get hands-on with the controllers. -Dan "Shoe" Hsu

Amazing Demo Malfunction
During Microsoft's Project Natal unveiling, Kudo Tsunoda demo'd Natal mapping his movements onto an Xbox Live avatar. "You ever wonder what the bottom of an Avatar's shoe looks like?" he asked. "Wa-bam, there it is!" Only problem was, during the course of that "wa-bam," Kudo's avatar was doing some kind of tortured Elaine dance routine rather than simply turning around and lifting a foot. -Demian

Best Reggie Impersonation
Nintendo's Cammie Dunaway, whose direct, intense cadence had us wondering if Nintendo puts Ah-nold personality chips into all of its executive team before the press conference. -Greg

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As I dug into round two of the Indie Scene, I began to realize just how massive each letter can be. Using various resources in my search for some "B" indie games (including recommendations and The Indie Game Database), I found plenty of options across most any genre. The hard part is nailing it down to two or three. But that's the point of this column: I'm just exploring the world of indie games one letter at a time, but with no other predetermined path. Let's dig right in, shall we?

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Editor's Note: Today, we give a big "f-u" to all other gaming websites. Who needs Kotaku when Bitmob's armed with a time-travelling news correspondent? We're not sure why Kris Pigna's powers didn't materialize until after he left 1UP, but whatever...our gain. -Shoe

LOS ANGELES, Ca. (BNS News) - E3 2010 has come and gone, answering many lingering questions from last year's show while providing a few new surprises of its own. As expected, Microsoft and Sony revealed new details on their respective motion-control devices due out later this year, while Nintendo finally explained the true origins of the Vitality Sensor.

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I know, I know -- you probably want to throw a banana at me (poo if you're a dirty monkey), but I'm not afraid to admit I've never played the classic adventure game The Secret of Monkey Island. Because it's not like I didn't want to play it. More like I couldn't play it.

You see, back when this game came out in 1990, I didn't have one of them newfangled gaming computers. That means I missed out on just about every PC game that came out 20 or so years ago. So you can imagine how stoked I was to discover at E3 that the original Secret of Monkey Island is coming to Xbox Live Arcade this summer. Mostly because I can finally stop getting pelted in the face with bananas and poo. 'Bout frickin' time...

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Editor's note: The penultimate article in Andrew's E3 2009 press conference series is here, with the real-time reactions to Sony's presentation. Stay tuned for the final installment, a comparative analysis of all three major press events. -Demian

Click Here For Full Size Image

Abstract: The third and final press conference was witnessed, and commented upon, by neogaf.com members with aplomb. This particular thread provided extra obstacles to compiling data, due to the presentation style and the conference's position in the schedule.

Methodology: Please see the methodology found in the analysis of Nintendo's E3 press conference. For additonal results, please see the analysis of Microsoft's E3 analysis.

Additional Difficulties Encountered: This particular thread presented additional obstacles to data collection not found in the prior threads. First, and foremost, this thread was the final major press conference, and many of the comments referenced material in other conferences. Perhaps related to this, many more "conversations" were held within the thread, and to ascertain whether a particular comment was positive, negative, or unrelated, I had to refer back to the original comment (often quoted), which in turn referred to another comment.

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Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 We're beginning to wonder if developer 2K Boston modeled BioShock bad guy Frank Fontaine after the game's Creative Director, Ken Levine.

It's not that Levine's a master manipulator of us common folk (uh...we don't think so, anyways). He's just a no-good cheat. Just look at some of his responses and non-responses to our 21 Random Qs interview below! (See #3, 17, 18, 19, and 21.)

And don't miss the vague hint as to what he's working on next....

1. Who is your favorite comic-book superhero? Outside of anyone from Freedom Force, that is.

Ken Levine: When you're getting beat up in the 7th grade every day and you find Spider-Man, it changes your life.

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