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Editor's note: We were fully in the grip of E3 when this mock profile of Mario was first posted, so we totally missed it -- in case you did, too, we're promoting it now. (Oh, and if any lawyers are reading and it's not already completely clear, this is a parody.) -Demian

 

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I'm standing at the intersection of Warp Pipe and Vine, and I can hear the subject of my latest interview before I see him. About a block away, I can hear his 150 cc golden car power slide through a red light, and the characteristic slot machine sound of a power up queuing up as he bowls through an Item Box. He skids to a halt directly in front of me as I jump back from the curb.

"Get the fuck in, I got a Golden Mushroom here, and we got to let the lead out." The attitude is betrayed by a singsong farce of an Italian accent.

I jump into the back seat and with a "Let's a-go!" we are gone with a perfectly timed starter boost.

For better or worse, this is a day in the life of videogames' most famous character, Mario.

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A while ago, while shopping around Best Buy for a new computer monitor, a brilliant idea popped into my head. Between my girlfriend and me, we have two Xbox 360s in the apartment -- why not make the second monitor a second TV, so we could play full-screen co-op games over Xbox Live?

A little shopping around and a few cable purchases later, we were all hooked up. Gears of War 2, Saints Row 2, Resident Evil 5, Mercenaries 2, even Fable 2 (whose co-op was an insult)...we did them all. In order to afford two copies of all these games, I had to steal food from Demian's cupboard whenever I visited his pad, but the only thing more fun than playing online games is playing them in the same room with your partner.

So while walking around E3, we both couldn't help but have our eyes peeled (and wallets warmed up) for more games we'd be playing together in the upcoming months. In the latest Cut Scene, we each pick out our top three co-op games of the show, plus one game that we wish was co-op but unfortunately, isn't.

And if you're still in the mood for more E3 chit-chat after that, I wrap up the expo with the guys from The Fan590 out of Toronto on their Got Game podcast. It's super short, like 12 minutes, so give it a listen!

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Congrats to Joshua McCluskey. We randomly selected his name from the comments in our recent survey/contest to win a free game. Problem is, we just launched, so we're not on all the mailing lists yet, and this is the slow time of year where not many games are coming out, so we don't have anything to give away just yet.

Lucky for us, Josh is an understanding fella. He opted for a pile of gaming-related junk instead of waiting a couple of weeks for us to get a new game in the mail. Sorry, Josh! (That's a sorry for what you're about to receive, by the way...but at least you'll have some new kick-ass outfits to wear out on hot dates.)

A huge thank you to everyone who helped us out by filling out the survey. What did we learn from it? That you guys like winning free games.

Our EA Sports Active contest is still...active...so don't miss out on that.

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In my previous life as a GameSpot editor my job was to review sports games. That meant I got to play lots and lots of yearly sequels. Here's the problem: most games, sports-related or not, don't need to be yearly releases. Activision wisely put the Tony Hawk franchise on the shelf for a year and used that time to totally change how the game will be played. Now people are once again excited for Tony Hawk. But some companies just aren't getting the message that sometimes less is more, so I've put together a list of five games that need to call a time out, take a break, and regroup.

And the nominees/offenders are (see the full list after the jump)....

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Tiger Woods
I enjoy the Tiger Woods series quite a bit, but the changes from year to year are barely measurable. EA adds a few courses and golfers and takes away a few courses and golfers. The putting system gets altered a bit, but everyone still shoots 10-15 under par. Then they change a few menus, make a few minor enhancements and send the game on its merry way.

This year we're getting yet another new announcer, more people in the crowd, and thicker grass. That should be a $20 downloadable expansion (if that), not a full-priced game.

My advice to EA is to take a year off, revamp the career mode, double the number of courses, and add a course creator. Then we're talking a must-buy game.

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I wasn't shocked by much at this year's E3. Spaz-happy Microsoft motion-controller sans, uh, controller? 'Bout as exciting as seeing an Avatar's shoe. Hanna Montana PSP bundle? So 2007. Wii Vitality Sensor? Beep...Beep...Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

But amidst all these ho-hum announcements, something actually did make me do a Don Mattrick triple take: Sega's spy-themed third-person shooter role-playing game Alpha Protocol.

Phew -- that's a long descriptor. And though it sounds like a Katamari-covered mismash of popular genres, it surprisingly works. Which is why I came out of my demo wondering why I never cared about this game previously. Easy: I needed valuable first-hand intel.

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Video producer Tracy Peterson is a little bit of a Warhammer fan. And a fan of developer Relic. Which is why, when he wasn't helping us shoot footage for an upcoming Hoe Down during E3, he duct-taped a camera to Michael Donahoe's head so that Tracy could interview Quinn Duffy, lead designer on Relic's Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine.

"I used to paint and mod my own [Warhammer] models, and for the record my favorite Space Marine chapter is Blood Angels, and if they don't have lightning claw Terminators in Space Marine I'll be a little bit sad no matter HOW awesome it is," Tracy told me over email, although I prefer to imagine him saying that without pausing for breath or punctuation. "While I'm very curious how Relic are going to handle an action game, with strategy being their forté, I look at the animation and the artwork and I feel like I'm really in that game, it's the kind of thing a hardcore fan looks at and says, 'Finally, they did it.'"

I do not know what a lightning claw Terminator is (at least I didn't until consulting the Internet) but it sounds pretty cool.

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I can't decide whether Ubisoft's E3 strategy was good (20-minute James Cameron speeches notwithstanding) or bad.

Bad: They showed a couple of demos on impossible hardware that no gamer not named Richie Rich could afford.

Good: Yet here we are, talking about these demos still, a week after E3 2009, in articles, on podcasts, etc.

From a marketing and brand-awareness perspective, it's a job well done. From my wallet's perspective: cry.

Here's a closer look at three of the games in question, along with their pricey price tags if you're looking to experience them the same way as they were presented at E3:

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Weekly gaming podcast Rebel FM returns with its first post-E3 regular show, this time with 100-percent less IHOP, which can be good or bad depending on your feelings (we are pro pancakes, in case you were wondering). Music links after the jump.

Rebel FM -- Episode 21

Welcome back! After a week off (well, sort of) from Rebel FM proper, we come back with Area5.tv's Matt Chandronait, who joins Anthony, Tyler, and me as we talk about Infamous, Prototype, Red Faction: Guerilla, Tyler's new PC erection, and then move on to the topic of motion control, which we hear you kids have opinions on. Then we finish up with letters.

-Anthony

Zune link

Direct Download (right click save as)

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Editor's note: The headline pretty much covers it...bay area Bitmob meet-up coming soon, details still in flux at the moment! -Demian

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As Derek Lavigne mentioned in his post today highlighting the fact that you can now find the Pixel Revolt podcast on iTunes [iTunes link], Derek and fellow Pixel Revolt podcaster Jeff Grubb will be visiting San Francisco next month, from July 9-12. Since the staff and a number of other Bitmobbers are local to SF, Shoe suggested a meet-up for staff and community members to get together and discuss life, love, and why in some cases regifting is a perfectly acceptable action. Oh, and we'll probably talk about games, too.

So if you're in the area, mark your calendars now! And please drop a note in the comments so I can gauge how many people are planning to show. I'll post details -- like exactly when and where in SF the meet-up will be -- as the weekend approaches. (For those of you who live elsewhere: Derek's going to be documenting the entire weekend on video, and he'll post the highlights here on Bitmob.)

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Editor's Note: Want to support Bitmob? Then support our community! (Sending money won't hurt, either.) -Shoe

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It's official, Pixel Revolt is now available both in RSS form and on iTunes. Now to just steal Bitmob's iTunes button...

RSS

There, all set. To anyone who enjoyed the beta episode of Pixel Revolt, please leave us a rating on iTunes if you should feel so inclined!

Also, we are aiming to record Episode 1 next Thursday night for a bi-weekly release and still need more answers to our community question. The question for this episode is:

What is your favorite multiplayer gaming memory?

We've gotten a few responses so far, but we want to hear what more of you have to say. For instructions on how you can submit your answers to us, simply go here.

While we are on the subject of the next episode, what would all of you like to see for a third segment? In the beta episode, the three of us answered why we game. Would you like to see something similar with it being more personal with us, or can you think of another community segment that we can throw in?

We look forward to getting all of your responses and hopefully putting together another great episode for the community. As always, you can follow us on twitter @pixelrevolt.

P.S. Jeff and I will be joining Brett in San Francisco for a few days next month and will be documenting all of it (well, most of it anyway) for a hopeful video montage of some sort and maybe even a live show. Any suggestions on what type of madness we should embark on while in the Bay Area?

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I feel bad for Mirror's Edge -- such an innovative game, but yet that didn't quite reflect at retail. Oh well. Guess we'll never see a sequel then. Oh, wait...

News Blips:

• Mirror's Edge looks at reflection, sees sequel. Even though the ambitious first-person building-hopper smacked into a wall at retail, EA has confirmed a small team is working on a sequel. Pretty sweet to see they still has faith in a such risky title. [VideoGamer]

• May videogame sales tap out via slightly homoerotic submission hold. Mixed-martial arts fighter UFC 2009 Undisputed smothered the charts last month, securing the top spot with over a million copies sold (spread between both the 360 and PS3 versions). Meanwhile, free Wii controller Wii Play is still in the top ten. [Shacknews]

• Square Enix and Eidos sit in tree, don't kiss, make game instead. Role-playing game giant Square Enix recently purchased Tomb Raider publisher Eidos, so it's not too surprising to hear company head honcho Yoichi Wada confirm the two publishers will both be working together to create a new IP. What will be surprising, though? If the new title doesn't contain effeminate men and/or gratuitous boobage. [Gamasutra]

• EA exec: How awesome are our racing games? Really awesome. Patrick Soderlund, senior vice president at EA Games Europe, tells VideoGamer that he thinks Need for Speed: Shift is better than the Forza 3. Oh, he also thinks it's better than Blur and Split/Second, too. Also better than Mario Kart? Hell yeah. What about Pole Position? Smokes it. Surely not as awesome as Star Wars: Super Bombab Racing, right? Right -- even he can't admit that. [VideoGamer]

Click the jump for some video blips, including a hellish Dante's Inferno video doc, stylus boob-touching, a vintage knee-slapping Game Boy Pocket commercial, and...more.

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I love crazy games -- you know, those ones that are filled with bizarre shit that doesn't make any sense. Think Noby Noby Boy. What the hell is Boy? Why's he eating everything and then pooping it out?

Or how about the classic BurgerTime? What's going on in this one, and how come Peter Pepper is in a mortal struggle with human-sized pickles and eggs (or is it the other way around), all while trampling ginormous all-beef patties?

It's this line of thought that makes me think Bayonetta will be great.

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