First Draft

Originally this was a "sequel" to an earlier article called Play the Characters You Hate. I don't think anyone remembers it, however, and I didn't like the tone this article was taking. I spend three-fourths of the article ranting about Mu-12's design and fanservice characters in general, only to reverse my stance and act like it's no big deal.

Richard was great at pointing out which paragraphs didn't work at all, and the fact that he wasn't a big fighting game fan helped me know when I was getting too technical. It's a bit embarassing to post this.

It’s common for people to shy away from certain games or characters they may like because of personal bias and I’m no exception. (This is a bit awkward and indirect, especially for an opening sentence. Maybe something like "People often shy away...") A while ago I wrote about how I stayed away from Street Fighter’s M. Bison for years, for no reason other than I don’t like evil characters. (This may just be personal preference, but I'd go with an em dash rather than a comma here. And "I previously wrote" is more authoritative.) This time, I’m going from Street Fighter to another fighter, BlazBlue, and into another of my pet peeve character designs: girl characters designed for obnoxious fanservice.

First off I’m not stupid. (You'd better use a comma if you want people to believe that ;) ) I know Japanese industries has been hemorrhaging money due to piracy and decreased DVD/game sales, and it’s easier to make up the money with merchandise sales. (Japanese industries is not an entity. Perhaps you mean the Japanese game industry? Also, easier than what? I think you should be explicit rather than leaving it to the reader to fill in the gap.) Female characters are big sellers, so there’s an impetus to put in at least one giggling girl with a supermodel body who stuffs people into her assets, as well as tweak other girl characters into money-making material – no matter how out-of-character or questionable it may seem. (Did that really need to be one sentence? Also, "one giggling girl with a supermodel body, who stuffs people into her assets" conjures a very odd image in my head. Surely you could think of a better way to phrase this hyperbole.) I don’t understand why anyone would want to have a body pillow of the depressing unhinged women in Neon Genesis Evangelion. ("Depressingly unhinged women" or "depressing, unhinged women." (Unhinged is a verb, so you have to decide whether depressing is an adverb (depressingly unhinged) or an adjective (depressing, unhinged). You and me both.)

So what does this have to do with BlazBlue? Simple – my subject is the boss of BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Mu-12. (Seriously? What a horrible name.) Mu-12 is actually a transformed version of Noel, the game’s main female character and who is very popular. (Try "the game's popular lead female character.") Mu-12’s design is based of the boss of the first BlazBlue Nu-13, which is understandable because the two are related in storyline. (Based on. Minor issue: Why should I (as reader) care about this? It seems like an aside, and, although the context later becomes clear, at this very moment it is irrelevant. Elaborate, justify, or move it.)

The problem is that unlike the Ryu-Ken headswap or Mortal Kombat’s ninja rainbow Arc System Works went out of it’s way to make Mu-12 physically different from Nu-13, and it did so by taking off the character’s clothes. (Add commas after "ninja rainbow" and before "unlike" for improved clarity.) Instead of having the body suit of Nu-13, Mu-12’s body is naked except for a silly tie top that shows the bottom of her breasts and a metal plate covering her naughty bits. (Rephrase. Something like "Whereas Nu-13 wore a body suit, Mu-12's body..." would be better. Also, the bit at the end should be "..a metal plate that covers..." -- don't change tense mid-sentence.)

To be fair, Mu-12 isn’t showing anything more than Dizzy, another ASW character from Guilty Gear, and there are plenty of alternate colors with a bodysuit colored on her. (The last part of this sentence is confusing. I don't know what you mean.)  The problem is that the final boss of the game is a fetishized version of Noel. It’s bad enough that in the story Noel is portrayed as weak and easily manipulated, but now when she’s suppose to be threatening she’s wank material. Even if there’s some deep symbolic reason for her to be half naked, it’s thrown out when the DVD cover for the game is her posing in an ass shot. (Oh dear! Consider your word choice here. I'd replace "it's thrown out" with something stronger and more emotive, such as "it becomes worthless/hollow/empty" or "it's made trivial/trifling." And maybe instead of "is her" you could write "shows her" -- I'm not sure about this one.)

My excitement for her evaporated as soon as she was announced. (I like this sentence. It's economical and right to the point.) I enjoy fighting games because they take skill and practice to be good, while fanservice characters are the epitome of instant gratification.(Wouldn't "but" be more appropriate here?) I already didn’t enjoy the first BlazBlue that much anyway, mainly due to how I never liked how any of the characters played. (What a horrible sentence. Already is redundant. And the second half of the sentence has four words where there could easily be one. Rewrite it.) I waited until my friends bought the game, and since the new characters Tsubaki and Hazama didn’t grab my interest either I never got it myself. (This one isn't much better. Did your mind completely wander off during this paragraph? Rewrite the paragraph or scrap it entirely -- it doesn't add much, and breaks up the flow. The next paragraph seems to pick up where the previous one left off.)

I didn’t actually play as Mu until two months later. To play as Mu-12 you either have to buy an unlock code as DLC or complete BlazBlue’s hours-long text story mode, and the only friend who did that lived 40 miles away. ("The" only friend? Perhaps "my" only friend would be more appropriate.) Since it isn’t every day I would get to play as Mu I decided to try it out. (This is a bit wishy-washy. Rephrase as something shorter and snappier, and maybe make it clear that it's your friend's copy you played.)

That’s when I had the epiphany. Mu-12’s main gimmick – the ability to summon little laser pods onto the field – could be used both to keep opponents away and start an offense. You could actually be creative with them. While this is BlazBlue and you still need to memorize longish combos to get far, Mu-12 had some decent normal attacks and defensive tricks so she wasn’t completely dependent on that. (I'll preface this by saying that I have never played BlazBlue: How about stating "you still need to memorize long combos to get anywhere..."? This may work better as two sentences instead of one, with the first sentence stating the fact that BlazBlue is typically combo-heavy and the second pointing out how this game is different. Also, the "so she wasn't..." part of the sentence feels tacked-on right now, even though it is core to your point.)

Mu made me enjoy BlazBlue more than any of the 12 characters that came before her. She reminded me of Rose, my character of choice in Super Street Fighter 4. I even entered a tournament, even though I rightfully lost badly for playing a game I didn’t own with a character I had at best eight hours playing as. (Rephrase. My suggestion: "I even entered a tournament, which I rightfully lost as a result of playing a game I didn't own with a character I barely knew.") And at least I wasn’t playing as Makoto, the chipmunk girl in a miniskirt. (Get rid of the "And.")

Bless that horrible degrading character. (What is horrible modifying? If both words are intended as adjectives, a comma may help the clarity. If degrading is intended as a verb, it should be "horribly degrading..") She saved BlazBlue for me.

Interesting piece. It should be good after some polish and minor restructuring. The flow is a little uneven, but I think you know how to fix that.